Oh...all you know, go slow.
Twenty-five years at the factory child,
All for dying
Wife and children now
But you know? I've been working on a plan to save us all!
You know me...and I'm just staying late tonight my dear.
...Sleep well.

I'm home!

So you've come!
You know, you know
I'm alright to fly!
Only we both know, we never once were right!
Oh my lord...
Say goodnight to the boy, and then we explode with never one regret!

Oh my god, it's happening once again!
...Wasting my life with the worn designs.
...But it's time to go!
We're wasting away as people now.
...And the worlds seen it all before.
Sew the wire!

Now, comes the time...
Where the night speaks to me, the words speak through me, now!
...Comes the time! Hear the sounds, the sounds!
(Sounds are forming round me... sounds are forming round!)
Do you know? How many more days and nights of this I must handle??
Keep control... control!
...No one can see, they mustn't see!
...But they will come to recognize my name!
'Cause I've finally... I've finally found a way to save the world!

(Oh I reeeal good at dat savin' da world thing dere... Oh yeah, I got my special savin' the world boots on...)

Save the world, you fool, you child!
You can't ever save the world, you fool...you child!
You can't ever, ever celebrate!
You better change your mind!

Save the world, you fool...you child!
You can't ever...ever save the world, you fool...you child...
You can't ever, ever set aflame!
You better change!

(Save the spectacular world of tomorrow!)

Save the world, you fool...you child!
You can't ever...ever save the world, you fool, you child...
You can't ever, ever celebrate!
You better change!

Feelings...they're exaggerated!
But on another level I'm just...
Groovy!

Oh yeah... smooth
...Lookin' fine!

You better save your mind!

Maybe we could go to space?
Maybe we'll have more luck connecting...
Maybe the electromagnetic impulses will be on our side?

Yes!
Love has conducted us unto one death!
And my conductor, with his spans extended, took of the earth...
And with his fists well filled, he threw it into those rapacious gullets!
The time of reckoning is beyond us!
The time is now!
We come to you: to extend ourselves for consideration into the intergalactic community!
We bring to you: the process of human development!

Brothers and sisters are you with me?!

Now!

Give it up... your world!
Give it up... your world!
Give it up... your world!
Give it up... your world!

I've seen all I have seen
We have always been there!
I've seen all I have seen
We have always been there!

We praise God!
He lives inside of our hearts!
We pray to God, he lives inside of our minds!!!
We praise God!
He lives inside of our hearts!
We pray to God!!!

So you come around, and we know what you came for...
And we are one of mind, and we are home.

We praise ourselves!
We live inside of our minds!
We praise ourselves!
We live inside of our minds!!!

I've seen all I have seen
We have always been there!
I've seen all I have seen!

Now we come alive! And you've been over-time.
If we are one of mind, then we are God!

We praise Satan!
He lives inside of our hearts!
We praise Satan!
He lives inside of our hearts!!!

We praise ourselves!
All the minds! Of all the times!

(What do you want with me?)

I want you to follow me, into the stars!
I want you to love me!

(I've fallen down now, and I won't get up)
(I've fallen down now, and I won't get up)

So many things to learn...My family!

I'm turning back! I don't want to! I'm turning away from the world!
I'm turning back! I don't want to! I'm turning away from the light!

Yeah!

...These are only equations, this is only a problem!

Stay forward!
Stay the morning coma...

What do you know?

I know why among the heavens, I don't know why among the living..
I haven't a mind for those who give in...
...I don't know why? (Feelings I'm holding inside?) Why?

Childhood pain!

I want you to follow me, into the stars...
Why don't we just leave?
...To infinity, and surround!

And now... hunger does what sorrow could never do...

Feed.

Ladies! Ladies and gentlemen!

See the four-faced boy...
See the man with 17 testicles...
See the child stand back and look into the infinite void...
You... Young man...Come forward...
See the vagina-faced lady...
Two for one...
Indeed... I am your host, Ziltoid the Omniscient...
Ladies and Gentlemen...

My goal in this world is only to vacate the human mind...
And twice now towards the sky, the men on the trampoline, the Flying Mangee Brothers, yes, flatulence, ladies and gentlemen free of charge. Remember your admission ticket to get one ...

Egads! Astounding! My worlds!
Ladies and gentlemen, I now see my life's purpose:

I AM THE MIGHTY MASTURBATOR

Amen.


Lyrics submitted by hallowedbe666, edited by MightyMobius

The Mighty Masturbator song meanings
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7 Comments

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  • 0
    General CommentIt looks like Devin predicted our reactions with some of the final lines:

    Egads! Astounding! My worlds!
    Ladies and gentlemen, I now see my life's purpose.
    Anilandon May 08, 2011   Link
  • 0
    General CommentI'm pretty sure that the Legend of Zelda theme is being played at the "carnival ensues" part. This makes me happy beyond belief.
    Smartone234on May 09, 2011   Link
  • 0
    General CommentI'd like to know what the "speech" part during (carnival ensues) is, I'm pretty sure I hear something about Ziltoid the Omniscient.
    Suffragiumon July 10, 2011   Link
  • 0
    General CommentWhy did whomever submitted the lyrics feel the need to put an exclamation mark on almost every line? It kind of defeats the purpose.
    eseleson December 24, 2011   Link
  • 0
    General Commentthis is what i heard:

    See the ball-faced boy!
    See the man with seventeen testicles!
    See the Longinus' Cup overflow!
    See the child stare vacuously into the infinite void!
    You! Young lad!
    Come forward!
    See the vagina-faced lady!
    Two for one!
    Indeed!
    I am called... ZILTOID THE OMNISCIENT!
    Ladies and gentlemen...
    An announcer of my testicular baldness, as they made me out to be...
    My goal in this world is only to vacate the human mind,
    and twice now, toward the stars..
    the men on the trampoline, the flying Menge Brothers!
    Yes!
    Fraudulence, ladies and gentlemen, free of charge...
    Whenever your admission, you get one service..
    Egads! Astounding! My worlds!
    Ladies and gentlemen, I now see my life's purpose:

    I AM THE MIGHTY MASTURBATOR
    shamistrudelon January 03, 2012   Link
  • 0
    General Commentour main hero yells out his second wish, to save the world from ziltoid.

    convincing ziltoid that the earth has better coffee seemed like a faulty plan to our hero, so he goes to the source.

    he is sent back onto earth, where he convinces the space program to lend him a ship that allows him to go into hyperdrive, once again.

    Although he isn't alone, one of his great grandparents comes along for the ride, to ensure our main hero does not botch up the wish.



    once our hero makes it to the planet where ziltoid lives, he rallys almost all the people of the planet who could possibly come. He attempts to fullfill his main plan: to convince the people of this planet to overthrow ziltoid and have sympathy on a Earth by proving its worth.


    However, it turns out that the race of people are already angry at the earth, and demand that the Earth must be destroyed. Our main hero and his grandfather are persistent, though. The grandfather tries his own rally methods, through religion, desperately trying to convince the planet of what they believe.
    However, all their effort goes down hill, ziltoid knows why they are there, and the planet exposes the reason why the earth must die.

    A giant equation appears on the screen behind our main hero. He is shocked, this is the equation that he created in his attempts to find the secrets of the universe. Our hero exclaims: These are only equations! this is only a problem!
    filled with doubt and demoralized, our hero realizes that his main nitch is not to save the world, for he was the world's doom.


    he gives the signal that he is done with the wish, and is flung back into hell. where his family awaits him.


    his wife exclaims: "OF COURSE HE FAILED!"


    with the pressure on him, out of anger and desperation, he stands on a podium and exlcaims(after a long exposition of disgusting gestures at his family) that his main purpose in life, was to masturbate.



    his family is disgusted at this, and disperse their separate ways into hell, only to disappear.
    Endrance88on May 24, 2012   Link
  • 0
    General Comment"And now... hunger does what sorrow could never do...

    Feed."

    Just going to point out this line is a reference to the Divine Comedy. The original implication is that what hunger does that sorrow cannot do is KILL, not feed.
    Ganondoxon December 06, 2016   Link

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