My show is a little bit silly
And a little bit pretentious
Like Shakespeare's willy
Or Noam Chomsky wearing a strap-on

It's also it's also a little bit gay
And a little bit offensive
Like Thanksgiving Day
Or Noam Chomsky wearing a strap-on

So put your cell phones to vibrate
And put your vibrators to cell phone mode

And welcome to the show
It goes a little bit like this
Joke -
Exactly
Welcome to my flow
It flows a little bit like this
With a rap and a diss
And a swift rap of the wrist
A wrap and a kiss
Like Hershey's wrap in a kiss
Shit, I got a show that will test your kids
And it'll ask one question and the question is

What's funny?

Humor is often linked to shared experiences
Like a guy gets up and says

"Have you noticed that public restrooms have really unefficient hand dryers?"
Oh My God.
Yes I have.
Ha ha ha.
Really good point.
They should fix that.

It's good to know
That somebody finally gets me
Because my wife divorced me
Which unconciously forced me
To lose all sense of self
So it's nice to think about hand dryers
And not that cheating whore

Because stand up comedy is actually pretty easy
If you're an asian comic
Just get up and say
"My mother's got the weirdest fucking accent."
Then just do a chinese accent
Cause everbody laughs
At the chinese accent
Because they privately thought that your people were laughable and now you've given them the chance to express that in public.

If you're a musical comic
Just give 'em a little weird voice inflection
Then take a Viagra
And slap 'em with a rock hard misdirection.

What's funny?
TOURETTE'S!

Oh when the audience says,
When I was a baby maybe I laughed
At people jiggling keys

Now I'm older and bolder
And just get mad
Cause I notice that the keys aren't to a Hummer
Fuck my life
Fuck my wife
So fuck my wife
And fuck my life
And my son is gay
But not sitcom gay

Daughter's a whore
Like another girl that used to be her mother
But the marriage made her miss merry Americana
I want a team thats screamin' Premadonna
But the radical feminists
Made my wife a man

Ohh, and if I die happy
In a situation
It'll be auto-erotic
Asphyxiation
I hate my life and it hates me back
And my friend is black
But I don't know what to call him
So I call him
"What up, Jamal?"
Even though his name is Steve

I hate my job
I Hate my life
Hate my kids
I Hate my wife
Jews that know I do it
But Judas beat me to it

I'm slowly slipping into
A solipsistic coma
And I masturbate
Because I'm the only one
Who's standards low enough
To fuck me

What's funny?

It's a boy!

Hopefully this.


Lyrics submitted by shannakett99

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    General CommentHeard this on satellite radio on the way home from work the other day. I have to admit this got me laughing. He's got a pretty limber tongue on him.
    xaratheruson March 25, 2013   Link

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