What?… C’mon!… Everybody come on, and just throw your hands in the air! Everybody, throw your hands in the air! Everybody, just throw your hands in the air! Hogwart’s in the house! Lemmie hear you say Ravenclaw! (Ravenclaw!) Say Hufflepuff! (Hufflepuff!) Say Slytherin! (Slytherin!) Mandrake roots scream! (AAAHHH!!!)


It was December 24th at Hogwart’s school in the dark,

When I see Hagrid chillin’ with his Fang in the park.

I approached with a present, a chocolate frog,

Looked at his leash, oh my God! A three-headed dog!

But then caroling was Dumbledore and his hat,

And Ms. McGonagall, disguised as a cat.

Nearly-Headless Nick and Moaning Myrtle had a blast

Telling stories about all the ghosts of Christmas past.

I head to Gryffindor and look because I gotta

Finish Christmas shopping with my friend Harry Potter.

The last gift he needed was Hermione’s.

We cruise to Diagon ‘na flying car with ease.

So I chipped in cash with Harry, the gift was hers.

An invisibility cloak and matching purse.

But when we got back we bugged, cause we hit the tree,

Which proceeded to beat the living bogeys from me!


(4 measures)


Dobby: Ron is sure going to be in trouble with his parents when he gets back to his house.


Who’s house?


Ron’s house!!!



It’s Christmas time for Gryffin’s teens.

Ron’s eating candy cane flavored beans.

Hermione floats ornaments of greens,

(Dobby:) And Harry shows his movies on big screens!

Dudley, Aunt, and Uncle get best regards

Hedwig dropped off three thousand Christmas cards.

Voldemort is writing Santa at this hour

Asking for Mordor’s one ring of power.

The books that we read are the books of Rowling,

Except for Mister Snape who just sits there scowling.


(6 measure bridge, scratchin’ with *Harry Potter sound bites*)


Gifts so great! A brand new Nimbus

Two-thousand-four broomstick for Quiddich.

Draco’s gift is a lump of coal,

And a book from Tom Riddle that’ll rule his soul.

There’s a matching sock. (Dobby:) Just for Dobby!
When a guest walks in from across the sea…

(Luke Ski:) Well my name is Luke Ski, dementia artist for hire,

and I’m-a roast my chestnuts on a Goblet Of Fire.

From the muggles of the world, it’s a message you hear:

“We wish you a Fanboy Christmas and Trekkie New Year!”


(4 measures, fadeout)


Lyrics submitted by JohnnyLurg

Christmas In Hogwarts song meanings
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