"Spank" as written by and Aaron Short Alisa Xayalith....
I don't remember the first time
But I think I survive
Probably better not to try to recall
'Cause it feeds it, yeah, it keeps it alive

There're specific things
Tthat I have to do
Day to day just to keep it at bay
You wouldn't believe if you knew

(Oh no, this isn't real)

(Oh no, this isn't real)
Here's a little secret
Here's the best part
This is gonna take me
Right back to the start
If I can't hear it
If it's out of mind
Wait until it settles
Comes 'round a second time

I don't remember the first time
But I think I survive
Probably better not to try to recall
'Cause it feeds it, yeah, it keeps it alive

(Oh no (no), this isn't real)
(Hmm)

(Oh no, this isn't real)
Here's a little secret
Here's the best part
This is gonna take me
Right back to the start
If I can't hear it
If it's out mind
Wait until it settles
Comes 'round a second time

I can feel it loom
Up into my head
It is in the room
Panicking in bed
I feel it coming on
Taking over view
Oh, please, not tonight
There's nothing I can do

This is bigger than me
This is in my fear
This is pitiful, yeah
I just disappear
Swells up all around me
Swallowed up inside
Sell me senses if it
Would make this subside

I can barely handle
I can pass the time
Staring through the curtains
Up into the sky
Where there is no
Depth perception
Keep preoccupied
Self deception

Nobody recognizes
It doesn't have a name
My brother is infected
He's acting just the same
Screaming like a siren
Up and down the hall
He just wants to stop it
He wants to end it all

I am just a child
I am nothing more
Than the basic functions
I am running from
I curl up and wallow
My distortion
Everything is
Disproportioned

Suddenly I wake
All is back again
Everything is closer
More or less the same
And I can't hear it
It's way out of mind
I will just forget this
'Til the next time


Lyrics submitted by sunnyheights, edited by dahliablack

"Spank" as written by Alisa Xayalith Aaron Short

Lyrics © Spirit Music Group, Kobalt Music Publishing Ltd.

Lyrics powered by LyricFind

Spank song meanings
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7 Comments

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  • +1
    General CommentFor me this song is about someone who is disassociating from the world, they're having trouble coping mentally so they're just pushing away the emotions they don't want to deal with.

    "Oh no, this isn't real" -- backing away from reality
    "Probably better not to try to wake up
    'Cause it feeds it, yeah, keeps it alive" -- better to numb yourself than "wake up" it just makes the negative emotions stronger
    CassieSingson November 09, 2014   Link
  • 0
    Lyric CorrectionI don't remember the first time
    But I think I'll survive
    Probably better not to try to wake up because it feeds it 'gain keeps it alive

    There're specific things
    That I have to do
    Day to day just to keep it at bay
    You wouldn't believe if you knew

    (TOM: Oh no, this isn't real x2)

    He doesn't know the secret
    He is the best part
    This is going to take me
    Right back to the start
    If I can keep it
    If it set in mind
    Wait until it sets
    Come try a second time

    I don't remember the first time,
    But I think I'll survive
    Probably better not to try to wake up because it feeds it 'gain keeps it alive

    (TOM: Oh no, this isn't real)
    (ALISSA: Yeah)

    He doesn't know the secret
    He is the best part
    This is going to take me
    Right back to the start
    If I can keep it
    If it set in mind
    Wait until it sets
    Come try it a second time

    I can feel it move
    Up into my head
    It is in the room
    Panic in my head
    I feel it coming on
    Taking over you
    Oh please not tonight
    There's nothing I can do

    This is bigger than me
    This is in my fear
    This is pitiful
    I just disappear
    Swears are falling from me
    Swallow up inside
    ?
    would make this subside

    I can barely handle
    I can pass the time
    Staring through the curtains
    Up into the sky
    Where there is no
    Depth perception
    Keep preoccupied
    Self deception
    Nobody recognizes
    It doesn't have a name
    My brother is infected
    He's acting just the same
    Screaming like a siren
    Up and down the hall
    He just wants to stop it
    He wants to end it all

    I am just a child
    I am nothing more
    Than the basic functions
    I am running from
    I could run a mile
    My distortion
    Everything is
    Disproportioned

    ?
    All is back again
    Everything is closer
    More is just the same
    And I can hear it
    It's rewind?
    I will just forget this
    'Til next time
    mwinship13on January 05, 2012   Link
  • 0
    My InterpretationI don't remember the first time
    But I think I'll survive
    Probably better not to try again
    'Cause it feeds it, yeah, keeps it alive

    There're specific things that I have to do
    Day to day just to keep it at bay
    You wouldn't believe if you knew

    (Oh no, this isn't real)

    (Oh no, this isn't real)
    Here a little secret
    Here's the best part
    This is gonna take me
    Right back to the start
    If I can keep it
    If it's set in mind
    Wait until it settles
    Come join a second time

    I don't remember the first time
    But I think I'll survive
    Probably better not to try to wake up
    'Cause it feeds it, yeah, keeps it alive

    (Oh no, (no) this isn't real)
    (Hmm)

    Here's a little secret
    Here's the best part
    This is gonna take me
    Right back to the start
    If I can keep it
    If it's set in mind
    Wait until it settles
    Come join a second time

    I can feel it move
    Up into my head
    It is in the room
    Panicking in bed
    I feel it coming on
    Taking over you
    Oh, please, not tonight
    There's nothing I can do

    This is bigger than me
    This is in my fear
    This is pedophilia
    I just disappear
    Swears are falling from me
    Swallowed up inside
    Sailed it as if it
    Would make this subside

    I can barely handle
    I can pass the time
    Staring through the curtains
    Up into the sky
    Where there is no
    Depth perception
    Keep preoccupied
    Self deception

    Nobody recognizes
    It doesn't have a name
    My brother is infected
    He's acting just the same
    Screaming like a siren
    Up and down the hall
    He just wants to stop it
    He wants to end it all

    I am just a child
    I am nothing more
    Than the basic functions
    I am running from
    I could run a mile
    My distortion
    Everything is
    Disproportioned

    Suddenly a break
    All is back again
    Everything is closer
    More or less the same
    And I can hear it
    It's real and wild
    I will just forget this
    'Til next time
    dahliablackon January 22, 2013   Link
  • 0
    My Interpretation-This is one of my favorite songs and I feel like what I hear is exactly what I would write if I were writing a song about withdrawal, therefore, I'm putting down the lyrics as I hear them, pertaining to opiate withdrawal:

    I don't remember the first time
    but I think I survived
    Probably better not to try to wake up
    Cuz it feeds again
    Keeps it alive

    There are specific things
    That I have to do
    Day to day, just to keep it at bay
    You wouldn't believe if you knew

    (oh, no, this isn't real)

    Here's a little secret
    Here's the best part
    This is gonna take me,
    right back to the start
    If I can cure it
    If its set in mind
    Wait until it settles
    Come down a second time

    I don't remember the first time
    but I think I survived
    Probably better not to try to wake up
    Cuz it feeds again
    Keeps it alive

    (oh, no, this isn't real)

    Here's a little secret
    Here's the best part
    This is gonna take me
    Right back to the start
    If I can cure it
    If its set in mind
    Wait until it settles
    Come down a second time

    I can feel it loom
    Up into my head
    It is in the room
    I'm panicking in bed
    I feel it coming on
    Taking overview
    Oh please, not tonight
    There's nothing I can do

    This is bigger than me
    This is in my fear
    This is pitiful
    I just disappear
    Swears falling from me
    Swallowed up inside
    Sell my senses if it
    Would make this subside

    I can barely handle
    I can pass the time
    Staring through the curtains
    Up into the sky
    Where there is no depth perception
    Keep me occupied
    Self-deception

    Nobody recognizes
    It doesn't have a name
    My brother is infected
    He's acting just the same
    Screaming like a siren
    Up and down the halls
    He just wants to stop it
    He wants to end it all

    I am just a child
    I am nothing more
    Than the basic functions
    I am running from
    I could run a mile
    My distortion
    Everything is
    Disproportioned
    suburbia23on March 21, 2013   Link
  • 0
    My InterpretationI think this song is about getting spanked.
    Rivfruifvon August 17, 2014   Link
  • 0
    My InterpretationThis is insanely long and drawn out, you've been warned. Blame my insomnia.

    A girl whose severe body dysmorphia is causing the gradual decay of her relationship.

    Bear with me...as someone going through it herself, it's difficult to hold onto a relationship through the storm of shit in your own brain. It's near impossible to enjoy being close to someone, whether that's sexually or platonically, when you're always fighting the voice in your head that says you're physically repulsive. When you flinch if they touch the wrong spot. When you work so hard to block it out only to have one incidental view of your reflection bring it right back to front and center. When a stray glance is twisted into a scrutinizing stare. When you can't let them look at you too long or too hard or too fully. Cover up, where's the blanket, turn around, turn the light off, turn the music up, I can't, I'm sorry, I can't.

    It's exhausting for the other person. It's not fair.

    Throw in an eating disorder and you have a permanent threesome partner along for every ride.

    "I don't remember the first time,"

    needing to be heavily intoxicated to cross that line.

    "There's specific things
    That I have to do
    Day to day just to keep it at bay
    You wouldn't believe if you knew"

    The routine of a disorder. The rules. Alternatively the things she does and tells herself to try to get through the thoughts. The constant battle to control it so she can be good for them and actually enjoy what should be easy.

    "He doesn't know the secret
    Here is the best part
    This is going to take me
    Right back to the start"

    Seemingly safe gestures aren't safe. Good intentions aren't enough. Just looking deep into her eyes or having arms wrapped around her waist at the wrong spot or the wrong time could be enough to set her off. All of a sudden unable to stop feeling uncomfortable. Lots of pulling away and putting on the brakes and starting over...

    "If I can keep it
    If it set in mind
    Wait until it sets
    Come try it a second time"

    The inner pep talk she gives herself every time that happens. A promise that it'll be better next time, she'll feel better, she'll work on it, it's not you, give me a little time, next time, next time.

    "I can feel it move
    Up into my head
    It is in the room
    Panic in the bed

    I feel it coming on
    Taking over you
    Oh, please not tonight
    There's nothing I can do"

    Recognizing the signs, knowing what's happening, knowing it's her own mind, but still being helpless to stop it. Frustration and anger and tension filling the room, changing the atmosphere in less than a minute.

    "This is bigger than me
    This is in my fear
    This is pitiful
    I just disappear

    Swears are falling from me
    Swallow up inside
    ?
    Won't make this subside"

    Trying to explain herself, why it's so hard, why it can't be fixed by another person, even someone she loves. It's become a part of her. It probably won't ever truly be gone. Hating herself for it. Feeling like the other person deserves more, deserves normal. Wanting to be alone so she doesn't have to think about it anymore, or burden anyone else when she inevitably does.

    "I can barely handle
    I can pass the time
    Staring through the curtains
    Up into the sky

    Where there is no
    depth perception
    Keep preoccupied
    self-deception"

    Disassociating, like someone mentioned in a previous comment. Isolating. Disconnecting. Avoiding more potential disappointment and resentment and sadness by refusing to face the problem head on. Running from the anxiety. Distracting from self-reflection. Hiding from the mirror of another persons' eyes. Wishing for solace from the constant thoughts and patterns. Escaping to a temporary moment of peace.


    "Nobody recognizes
    It doesn't have a name
    My brother is infected
    He's acting just the same

    Screaming like a siren
    Up and down the hall
    He just wants to stop it
    He wants to end it all"

    These things are intangible, ambiguous, and so they go untended and untamed until they ruin you. You're trapped in your own mind while the world still rushes all around you, expecting you to keep up, to hold your end. This is the raw, painful crying in the middle of the night, the desparate praying for something to change. the same praying that turns into begging, but instead of begging for a change, you're begging for an end.

    "I am just a child
    I am nothing more
    Than the basic functions
    I am running from

    I could run a mile
    My distortion
    Everything is
    Disproportioned"

    So far you could say this is all grasping at straws and filling in the blanks. But these lines are such a clear description of living with an eating disorder or body dysmorphia that I can't see it any other way.

    "All is back again
    Everything is closer
    More is just the same
    And I can hear it
    It's rewind
    I will just forget this
    'Til next time"

    I'm not sure if these lyrics are even correct, but the general vibe I get from them is resignment. Giving in. It's a pretty depressing way to end the song, but honestly, that's usually how this kind of story goes. You freak out, you ignore, you move on, you wait for it to happen again.
    Aquarius121on September 01, 2015   Link
  • 0
    Song MeaningMaybe I'm going too dark or too literal (from the pedophilia line), but I'm interpreting it as a family ripped apart by incest and molestation. The family and society denies/ignores it, the brother/abuser is guilty and hates himself but does it anyway, and the narrator is left hopeless and just trying to survive until the next time...

    Sort of a joykill, haha. But could be wrong.

    I was listening to it with Amazon's lyrics scrolling and the second half just struck me in the gut, even though I've listened to this song for years without catching the lyrics. Reminds me of "May Flowers" by Cursive.
    McWatton December 01, 2015   Link

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