One day I'll shave every morning
There won't be a bristle to tickle your chin
And I promise I won't call you clumsy or anything
And I'll smile when you tell me it's funny
Then double enjoin you in giggling fits
Won't snarl when you ask to lend money
And stop saying you've got childbearing hips

Give you food whenever you're craving
I promise never to shout 'pig pig pig pig'
Never mention the names of past girlfriends
We're older now for the time being icing
Won't fake tired when your joints need rubdown
I'll help you through all those terrible things
I know I've always hurt you, you've said so
But I won't analyze you and I'll never criticize you again

And I'll stand up conveniently if you ask me so
Put my foot in my mouth and my other one too
Just to stop me from shouting "you're dying
If you don't put that dang faggot out right now!"
Join the Bogart Fan Club tomorrow
Swear allegiance to Philip and Lawrence and Mum
Speak up when I come around on Sundays
And cut out the kissing and everything ?
?? to sleep in the evening
And drive you wherever the hell we end up
Hold your hand when your hand needs to be held
And take everything the wrong way when you tell me everything is okay
When you tell me everything is okay

Lyrics submitted by smallwonderrobot

Giggling Fits song meanings
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