"The Tragic Events of September, Part I" as written by Amanda Palmer and Jason Webley....
Are you there Evelyn?

Yes
of course I am.
I'm always here.
What's the matter
Evelyn?

I'm frightened.
It's that time of year again
isn't it Evelyn?

Yes
it is that time of year again
Evelyn.

Tell me once more how it all happened
Evelyn.

Hush now.
We don't talk about that
because it makes us sad Evelyn

I won't be sad this time
I promise.
Please?
Tell me again about the tragic events of September
Evelyn.


The year is 1985
St. Elmo's Fire is at the top of the charts
the wreckage of the Titanic has just been discovered at the bottom of the Atlantic Ocean
and on a small farm
on the Kansas-Colorado boarder
a young mother is about to give birth.

The local doctor has predicted twins
which gladdens the hearts of the woman and her husband
who could certainly use the extra help around the farm.

But the birth does not go well.

The terrified father drives his screaming
hemorrhaging wife to the local clinic
a poorly funded facility housed in a converted airstream trailer.
The presiding physician is Dr. Charlie von Coop
a local denture maker of dubious training
with eccentric religious beliefs.

The labor is long and painful
and Louise Neville
a Mennonite girl
who had given up a promising career as a legal assistant
to join her first and only love
on the run down farm
that was his only inheritance

(May her soul rest forever in peace)

is pronounced dead by the doctor
at 11:23 A.M.
on the eleventh day of September
precisely 12 minutes after the birth of her twin daughters.

The girls are Parapagus Tripus Dibrachius twins
conjoined at the side and sharing between them three legs
two arms
two hearts
three lungs
and a single liver.
Without hesitating
Dr. von Coop places the infants on the operating table
muttering biblical quotations of doubtful accuracy
the doctor leaves that trailer
and returns with a gas powered chainsaw.

The noise is deafening in the small space as he starts the engine
and prepares for the grisly operation.
At this very moment
Sheriff Wilbur Owens
having noticed the Neville's car parked outside the clinic
steps inside to see if could be of assistance.
Seeing the crazed doctor hovering over the newborns
the teeth of the chainsaw about to connect with their innocent flesh
the valiant Sheriff draws his pistol and fires
as the bullet pierces his heart
Dr. von Coop emits a cry
and stumbles backwards.

Samuel Neville a timid
nervous man
who wanted nothing more than a quiet country life with many children
is still in a state of shock over the death of his young wife
and the alarming physiology of his daughters
when he is struck in the neck
by the chainsaw blade

Killing him instantly.

Distraught
the good Sheriff takes the crying infants to his car.
He radios back to the station where
it is arranged for the twins to be admitted
to the Bethany Center for Developmentally Disabled Youth in Topeka.
Sheriff Owens decides to deliver the twins to the Bethany Center personally.

Less than an hour into the drive
an oncoming truck swerves
crosses median
and strikes the Sheriff's car.
The Sheriff is thrown into the windshield
knocking him unconscious.
He will die thirty minutes later from loss of blood.
Meanwhile the world has become a sea of feathers
as the trucks cargo of live chickens
many among them now seriously injured or dead
spill into the road.

A small awkward man limps out of the trucks cab
and cautiously approaches the Sheriff's vehicle.
The man's eyes focus on the twin girls
calmly look up at him from the back seat.
Ignoring the dying sheriff
the truck driver lifts the infants into his arm
and sets them in the cab of the damaged vehicle.
He unhitches the trailer and climbs into the cab
abandoning the defenseless chickens to their grim fate on Interstate 70.
A smile forms on his lips as he puts the truck into gear
and continues down the highway.


Lyrics submitted by BaxterB

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