Kelsey Jilane
Breakin' hearts like they were
Made out of hot glueable resin.
That can't be healthy.
I think it was Winter Quarter
She wished she was a reporter

First there was Brad
I mean, he grew a mullet for her
That was love
But now he's married
I guess it can't be love
So then she moved on to a different Brad
Oh wait, I skipped JP.

JP-
He was an older man
He lived in a retirement home
Hole-in-the-wall
He was... OK
Died while scuba diving though

And uh
Kelsey just is--
Kept moving on after that.
Yeah,
She's not quite as bad as Orangina.

Then there was Paul
(I think he liked her)

And who knows about Jason?
He'll probably edit this out.
But, you know.

And then there was another Brad
(I think)
Maybe he was a best man?
And--
That's all I have to say about him.


Lyrics submitted by megapoop

Kelsey's Men song meanings
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