This is a hauntingly beautiful song about introspection, specifically about looking back at a relationship that started bad and ended so poorly, that the narrator wants to go back to the very beginning and tell himself to not even travel down that road. I believe that the relationship started poorly because of the lines:
"Take me back to the night we met:When the night was full of terrors: And your eyes were filled with tears: When you had not touched me yet"
So, the first night was not a great start, but the narrator pursued the relationship and eventually both overcame the rough start to fall in love with each other:
"I had all and then most of you"
Like many relationships that turn sour, it was not a quick decline, but a gradual one where the narrator and their partner fall out of love and gradually grow apart
"Some and now none of you"
Losing someone who was once everything in your world, who you could confide in, tell your secrets to, share all the most intimate parts of your life, to being strangers with that person is probably one of the most painful experiences a person can go through. So Painful, the narrator wants to go back in time and tell himself to not even pursue the relationship.
This was the perfect song for "13 Reasons Why"
I was killed in a shopping cart
Turned upside-down and left for dead
I saw a cloud try to speak me
As I floated overhead
I found my way to a familiar place
I swear I'd been sometime before
I would've thought it was the marketplace
But I could not find the door
Oh, I have been to heaven
And I have walked the streets
But I couldn't find a hand to hold
To keep my on my feet
So paradise is a parking lot
A spot up front is your reward
And all the rest walk down streets of gold
To the house they could afford
Well I got lost in the swelling crowd
And I could not afford to eat
You only have what you came in with
So I'm living on the streets
Oh, I have been to heaven
And I found no relief
'Cause I couldn't find a hand to hold
To keep my on my feet
Well I heard Jesus Christ was there
He had a car that's bullet-proof
And that way everyone was safe
From the Man who tells the truth
Oh, I have been to heaven
And I have walked the streets
But I couldn't find a hand to hold
To keep my on my feet
No I couldn't find a hand to hold
To keep my on my feet
Turned upside-down and left for dead
I saw a cloud try to speak me
As I floated overhead
I found my way to a familiar place
I swear I'd been sometime before
I would've thought it was the marketplace
But I could not find the door
Oh, I have been to heaven
And I have walked the streets
But I couldn't find a hand to hold
To keep my on my feet
So paradise is a parking lot
A spot up front is your reward
And all the rest walk down streets of gold
To the house they could afford
Well I got lost in the swelling crowd
And I could not afford to eat
You only have what you came in with
So I'm living on the streets
Oh, I have been to heaven
And I found no relief
'Cause I couldn't find a hand to hold
To keep my on my feet
Well I heard Jesus Christ was there
He had a car that's bullet-proof
And that way everyone was safe
From the Man who tells the truth
Oh, I have been to heaven
And I have walked the streets
But I couldn't find a hand to hold
To keep my on my feet
No I couldn't find a hand to hold
To keep my on my feet
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I found this song a bit disturbing wrt what heaven would be like. But, may be that is the goal of the song/songwriter.
God seems to be revealing more about heaven in these times. The book, "Heaven is for Real" and theHeavenBlog.com are two sources of this revelation. I find much consistency with these two sources and of some writings about a chinese orphange in the 1800s where the orphans would visit heaven on a regular basis. Much relieved to believe in a heaven like this vs Derek's song.
MaxGrace