This is a hauntingly beautiful song about introspection, specifically about looking back at a relationship that started bad and ended so poorly, that the narrator wants to go back to the very beginning and tell himself to not even travel down that road. I believe that the relationship started poorly because of the lines:
"Take me back to the night we met:When the night was full of terrors: And your eyes were filled with tears: When you had not touched me yet"
So, the first night was not a great start, but the narrator pursued the relationship and eventually both overcame the rough start to fall in love with each other:
"I had all and then most of you"
Like many relationships that turn sour, it was not a quick decline, but a gradual one where the narrator and their partner fall out of love and gradually grow apart
"Some and now none of you"
Losing someone who was once everything in your world, who you could confide in, tell your secrets to, share all the most intimate parts of your life, to being strangers with that person is probably one of the most painful experiences a person can go through. So Painful, the narrator wants to go back in time and tell himself to not even pursue the relationship.
This was the perfect song for "13 Reasons Why"
Restricted patient
Or so they say
I choose to stay here, phobic fears
Nerve endings eaten away
I'm out of touch
With all in sight
Don't close my eyes
I fear that death will come collecting tonight
Distracted ruins
Oh can't you see?
I'm nervous, frightened, tormented by everything
You'll never know
Just what it's like
You can't imagine
What's disturbing, what is eating my mind
In constant paranoia
Keeps me looking over my shoulder
I'm hiding 'til the fear is over
Running down the street
I'll never look to see just what it might be
That I fear so much in my life
Or in my death
Doctor, help me
At any cost
Please make it go away before I am totally lost
Inside a shell and locked away
No fear can touch me
When I scream, none can hear what I say
But is it gone, or did it stay?
My phobophobic thoughts
God, will they ever go away?
And leave me be, I doubt they will
The disease of fear has got me
And it's in for the kill
The fracture of my mind
It will destroy me slowly
In the end, I lay there breathless
Six feet under, dirt will cover
The headstone reads
"His was a frantic mind, less human being
Destroyed by fear of everything that could be."
I've witnessed fear
For all it's worth
I can't imagine someone causing its own birth
The human hell
Or so we say
But is it fear the only thing that we are prey?
In life, not death
Define to me
A state of coldness life where I can be free
Of mortal choice
Burden of life
A questioned fate of fear or am I to die?
I've seen now some of what I've done done
A disease now once delivered
On those poor souls I pressure on
Unearthly cold they shiver
Insertion of fear a blood lacing tear
I draw from cowards breaking
Psychiatrists I tie in knots
This mind in fear is taken
Or so they say
I choose to stay here, phobic fears
Nerve endings eaten away
I'm out of touch
With all in sight
Don't close my eyes
I fear that death will come collecting tonight
Distracted ruins
Oh can't you see?
I'm nervous, frightened, tormented by everything
You'll never know
Just what it's like
You can't imagine
What's disturbing, what is eating my mind
In constant paranoia
Keeps me looking over my shoulder
I'm hiding 'til the fear is over
Running down the street
I'll never look to see just what it might be
That I fear so much in my life
Or in my death
Doctor, help me
At any cost
Please make it go away before I am totally lost
Inside a shell and locked away
No fear can touch me
When I scream, none can hear what I say
But is it gone, or did it stay?
My phobophobic thoughts
God, will they ever go away?
And leave me be, I doubt they will
The disease of fear has got me
And it's in for the kill
The fracture of my mind
It will destroy me slowly
In the end, I lay there breathless
Six feet under, dirt will cover
The headstone reads
"His was a frantic mind, less human being
Destroyed by fear of everything that could be."
I've witnessed fear
For all it's worth
I can't imagine someone causing its own birth
The human hell
Or so we say
But is it fear the only thing that we are prey?
In life, not death
Define to me
A state of coldness life where I can be free
Of mortal choice
Burden of life
A questioned fate of fear or am I to die?
I've seen now some of what I've done done
A disease now once delivered
On those poor souls I pressure on
Unearthly cold they shiver
Insertion of fear a blood lacing tear
I draw from cowards breaking
Psychiatrists I tie in knots
This mind in fear is taken
Lyrics submitted by BleedorBreathe
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