A Billion Ways

she’s so tired of waking up so tired
dark circles under her eyes she’s so tired.
thinkin’ God forgot to put her wires together like MacGyver
but her smile shines well of a thousand watts and higher
desire to go out without assistance
they’re afraid an episode is inevitable
seven months old the first storm
mother and father in tears over the crib watchin’ their first born
as her retinas flutter, body shivers
gift or a curse, its what the good doctor delivered
efforts to cope they holder at 9 years old
nine years strong they hold her down when she convulse
check her pulse its beats her down whole heartedly
was tranquil and quiet prior to her starting to seize
what dis-ease, tryin’ to communicate through a channel
she blew a fuse and lost the signal when it was scrambled

she’s a lot like us in a billion ways
every day seems the same
round and round, ’round the way
and when I think about it, I wanna turn my face
when the beast sinks its teeth in we run

she hates what she she’s in the mirror, nervous
can’t understand why she can’t cheer up its not workin’
and I could get a little slimmer
is what she thinks in front of her body framed just left of the school pictures
more junk food down the chute chuck it in the garbage
sloppily treating her body like dumpster then she vomits
violently doubled over then wash up the bile
and be ghost quicker then anybody would ever notice
ten pounds less and still goin’
chipper in front of her friends the binge is well kept
her face is sunk in there’s not much else left
of her self esteem one too many failed attempts
with vanity bad as her teeth she knows she can’t keep this up
she’s turning into what she eats
depressed and thinks she’s fat no matter what
across from shrink hysterically cryin’ sayin’ I had enough

but when I think about it, it makes me turn my face
when the beast sinks his teeth in we run
we are a lot like her in a billion ways
born an age ago and lived a billion days

we still take one step forward and two steps back
there ain’t no pill that I know gonna bring her back

so scandalous a vampire on beat
in the heat of the night she’s admired
from a distance through a slab of glass
in the eyes of man who pays cash for ass
he pulls up alongside and asks how much
and she replies twenty for a blow fifty for a
only eighteen still a child she climbs in hikes it up
he slides in and then busts

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