The song lyrics were written by the band Van Halen, as they were asked to write a song for the 1979 movie "Over the Edge" starring Matt Dillon. The movie (and the lyrics, although more obliquely) are about bored, rebellious youth with nothing better to do than get into trouble. If you see the movie, these lyrics will make more sense. It's a great movie if you grew up in the 70s/80s you'll definitely remember some of these characters from your own life. Fun fact, after writing the song, Van Halen decided not to let the movie use it.
Abraham Lincoln,
I would like to go back in time and be your wife
not because I'd be the First Lady
but because I think you're charming.
I know you were an unhappy man
(funerial, they say)
but I could have made you a happy man
that laughed and danced and sang
and I
would have recited Shakespeare with you,
let you read all the good lines.
You could have been Iago and Othello every time.
I would have done your shopping for you,
bought you your tall pants.
I would have been presently affectionate.
I would've put my hand in your long hand
and if I'd been on the balcony of Ford's Theatre
when Mister Booth came up with gun in hand,
I would have put my head in front of your head.
I would have put my head in front of your head.
Abraham Lincoln,
I would like to go back in time and be your wife.
Not because you saved the Union
but because I think you're hot shit.
I know you were intelligent,
telling stories all the time.
And I bet we'd have the same sense of humor,
we'd laugh until we cry.
And I would have spent hours combing your hair,
putting every one in place,
but if you got nervous and messed it up
it would have been okay
'cause we could have had
messy hair together
and we could have had
beautiful children together.
But I would have been a perfect mother
to Eddie and Willie and Ted and Robert,
yeah I wouldn't have let them get the fever
or small pox or malaria.
And if I'd been on the balcony of Ford's Theatre
when Mister Booth came up with gun in hand,
I would have put my head in front of your head,
I would have put my head in front of your head.
In fact I wouldn't have made us go to the theatre.
No, we could've stayed home and eaten dinner,
and you could have resigned the Presidency,
devoted the rest of your life to me.
Yeah, we could have left
oh Washington forever,
and we could have grown
older and older together.
But if I'd been on the balcony of Ford's Theatre
when Mister Booth came up with gun in hand,
I would have put my head in front of your head,
I would have put my head in front of your head.
I would like to go back in time and be your wife
not because I'd be the First Lady
but because I think you're charming.
I know you were an unhappy man
(funerial, they say)
but I could have made you a happy man
that laughed and danced and sang
and I
would have recited Shakespeare with you,
let you read all the good lines.
You could have been Iago and Othello every time.
I would have done your shopping for you,
bought you your tall pants.
I would have been presently affectionate.
I would've put my hand in your long hand
and if I'd been on the balcony of Ford's Theatre
when Mister Booth came up with gun in hand,
I would have put my head in front of your head.
I would have put my head in front of your head.
Abraham Lincoln,
I would like to go back in time and be your wife.
Not because you saved the Union
but because I think you're hot shit.
I know you were intelligent,
telling stories all the time.
And I bet we'd have the same sense of humor,
we'd laugh until we cry.
And I would have spent hours combing your hair,
putting every one in place,
but if you got nervous and messed it up
it would have been okay
'cause we could have had
messy hair together
and we could have had
beautiful children together.
But I would have been a perfect mother
to Eddie and Willie and Ted and Robert,
yeah I wouldn't have let them get the fever
or small pox or malaria.
And if I'd been on the balcony of Ford's Theatre
when Mister Booth came up with gun in hand,
I would have put my head in front of your head,
I would have put my head in front of your head.
In fact I wouldn't have made us go to the theatre.
No, we could've stayed home and eaten dinner,
and you could have resigned the Presidency,
devoted the rest of your life to me.
Yeah, we could have left
oh Washington forever,
and we could have grown
older and older together.
But if I'd been on the balcony of Ford's Theatre
when Mister Booth came up with gun in hand,
I would have put my head in front of your head,
I would have put my head in front of your head.
Lyrics submitted by marigoldaline
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This song was originally written by a guy called Peter Gutteridge. He was one of the founders of the "Dunedin Sound" a musical scene in the south of New Zealand in the early 80s. From there it was covered by "The Clean" one of the early bands of that scene (he had originally been a member of in it's early days, writing a couple of their best early songs). The Dunedin sound, and the Clean became popular on american college radio in the mid to late 80s. I guess Yo La Tengo heard that version.
Great version of a great song,
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I thought this song was title 'Abe Lincoln' such a silly, fantastic song though :)
It's "funerial" not "funery oh."