In regards to the meaning of this song:
Before a live performance on the EP Five Stories Falling, Geoff states “It’s about the last time I went to visit my grandmother in Columbus, and I saw that she was dying and it was the last time I was going to see her. It is about realizing how young you are, but how quickly you can go.”
That’s the thing about Geoff and his sublime poetry, you think it’s about one thing, but really it’s about something entirely different. But the lyrics are still universal and omnipresent, ubiquitous, even. So relatable. That’s one thing I love about this band. I also love their live performances, raw energy and Geoff’s beautiful, imperfectly perfect vocals. His voice soothes my aching soul.
PC: Kaiser get in here right now!
K: What’s the matter police commissioner?
PC: There's a knight hiding.
K: Like a knight in shining armor?
PC: There's a knight hiding in my room.
K: Well, uh, have you seen the knight?
PC: No, but every now and again I hear him scraping his blade agone, agone the floor, cackling.
K: If you, if you haven't seen him I don't understand how you know it's a knight.
PC: I can hear the clanking of metal as he, as he scurries behind desk to cabinet.
K: I think that's probably just the pipes.
PC: It certainly is not, I found a big fanciful feather that fell out of his cap.
K: A feath-? I don’t- knights don't have feathers.
PC: How can you deny that? Look at this feather.
K: Okay, police commissioner.
PC: Imagine it adorned on top of a metal helmet, riding on an armored horse, hiding in my office.
K: Tonight I'll pick up some-
PC: I know you can hear us!
K: Tonight I'll pick up some-
PC: I know you're out there!
K: I'll get some knight traps.
*beep*
PC: Kaiser get in here right now!
K: Yes, police commissioner.
PC: I put a bird in this glue. Look at it. Look how pathetic it is.
K: This is just cruel. Why are we doing this, police commissioner? This is horrible.
PC: You have nothing to do with it. Shut up.
K: *Stammers*
PC: Get out!
K: I, ah, thank you police commissioner.
PC: Turn off the lights!
K: I think I’m going to report you.
PC: Turn the lights off!
K: I think I’m definitely reporting you to someone.
PC: Get back here. Get back here.
K: What? What? Just what?
PC: Look how pathetic it is.
K: I don’t want to look at how pathetic it is! This is horrible! What a terrible thing!
PC: HAHAHAAA!
K: And you’re just laughing! This is, I’m going to my own office and I’m -
PC: No, no, come here. Shut up, Shut up!
K: Stop telling me to shut up!
PC: Put your hand on the table and close your eyes.
K: No, I am certainly not going to do that!
PC: Come on! Come on!
K: No. Gluing a bird? I’m not doing this. No way.
PC: Look at it.
K: No. No! No! Thank you, Thank you.
PC: He’ll never fly again!
K: I say good day.
*beep*
PC: KAISER GET IN HERE RIGHT NOW!
K: Yes, police commissioner.
PC: This coat fit me properly?
K: Yea, I think you look pretty good.
PC: I can’t figure out if it’s part of… Can you? Come on.
K: Yea, yea, I’ll help. Here we go.
PC: Mmmm.
K: There you are.
PC: Ah.
K: How’s that?
PC: Ah-ah.
K: Okay. Alright
*beep*
PC: KAISER I WANT YOU IN MY OFFICE PRONTO!
K: Yes, police commissioner.
PC: Hoooly moley, I got a funny joke for you.
K: Oh, tell it to me! I could use a funny joke.
PC: Alllright.
K: What is it?
PC: Close your eyes and put your hand on my desk.
K: …What are you gonna do?
PC: Just do it.
K: I don’t know if this is a good idea.
PC: Close your eyes and put your hand on my desk.
K: No, I think this is a joke on me, and I don’t wanna-
PC: Trust me, trust me.
K: Ehhhh.
PC: Alright, your eyes closed tight?
K: Yea.
*whump*
K: Motherfucker! Why the fuck did you do that?
PC: I hit your hand with this hammer!
K: Yea, why did you, that’s not funny!
PC: Haaahahaa!
K: Screw you police commissioner! Listen, listen, I resign.
PC: No way!
K: I’m gonna write a letter of resignation right now.
PC: You’re hired.
*beep*
PC: KAISER GET IN HERE RIGHT NOW!
K: Ugh, yes, police commissioner.
PC: Look how big that is!
K: Yea, that is big.
PC: I don’t- can’t believe how big that is!
K: Yea, that is really really big.
PC: Wow!
K: I don’t even know how they got it in here.
PC: I don’t even know what it is.
K: Yea, what- what are you gonna do with it?
PC: I don’t know, maybe um, how w- warm do you think it is?
K: I don’t know, it looks pretty warm.
PC: Looks pretty warm!
K: Yea.
PC: Touch it with your… Touch it with your skin.
K: What?
PC: Touch it with your skin a little bit.
K: Why don’t you touch it with your skin?
PC: Oh, I’ve been doing it for hours before you got in here. Touch it with your skin.
K: Well, what was it doing to your skin?
PC: Nothing.
K: It was doing nothing to your skin?
PC: Nothing at all, touch it.
K: Are you lying to me, police commissioner?
PC: Nooo, nooo.
K: Why do you want me to touch it with my skin?
PC: Just touch it with your skin.
K: I don’t think I’m gonna do that.
PC: Touch it with some of your skin.
K: No, listen, I’ve gotta get to work, there’s a lot of stuff that needs to be done. I’m not gonna touch that with my skin.
PC: Ba-gawwk! Ba-gawwk!
K: Are you calling me a chicken?
PC: No. Cum on me.
K: Thank you.
*beep*
PC: KAISER GET IN HERE RIGHT NOW!
K: What is it, police commissioner?
PC: My hands are turning into some sort of cream.
K: Your hands are turning into a cream?
PC: Oh, I can just tell.
K: Well, did you, did you eat anything?
PC: When I woke up in the morning, I saw a huge cream.
K: You saw a cream?
PC: In my hands.
K: Well maybe, maybe it’s not that your hands are turning into cream, maybe it’s just that you have some cream on your hands.
PC: No, no, you don’t see.
K: You’ve used all the sea?
PC: YOOOOUUUUUUU!!!
*extended beep*
K: What’s the matter police commissioner?
PC: There's a knight hiding.
K: Like a knight in shining armor?
PC: There's a knight hiding in my room.
K: Well, uh, have you seen the knight?
PC: No, but every now and again I hear him scraping his blade agone, agone the floor, cackling.
K: If you, if you haven't seen him I don't understand how you know it's a knight.
PC: I can hear the clanking of metal as he, as he scurries behind desk to cabinet.
K: I think that's probably just the pipes.
PC: It certainly is not, I found a big fanciful feather that fell out of his cap.
K: A feath-? I don’t- knights don't have feathers.
PC: How can you deny that? Look at this feather.
K: Okay, police commissioner.
PC: Imagine it adorned on top of a metal helmet, riding on an armored horse, hiding in my office.
K: Tonight I'll pick up some-
PC: I know you can hear us!
K: Tonight I'll pick up some-
PC: I know you're out there!
K: I'll get some knight traps.
*beep*
PC: Kaiser get in here right now!
K: Yes, police commissioner.
PC: I put a bird in this glue. Look at it. Look how pathetic it is.
K: This is just cruel. Why are we doing this, police commissioner? This is horrible.
PC: You have nothing to do with it. Shut up.
K: *Stammers*
PC: Get out!
K: I, ah, thank you police commissioner.
PC: Turn off the lights!
K: I think I’m going to report you.
PC: Turn the lights off!
K: I think I’m definitely reporting you to someone.
PC: Get back here. Get back here.
K: What? What? Just what?
PC: Look how pathetic it is.
K: I don’t want to look at how pathetic it is! This is horrible! What a terrible thing!
PC: HAHAHAAA!
K: And you’re just laughing! This is, I’m going to my own office and I’m -
PC: No, no, come here. Shut up, Shut up!
K: Stop telling me to shut up!
PC: Put your hand on the table and close your eyes.
K: No, I am certainly not going to do that!
PC: Come on! Come on!
K: No. Gluing a bird? I’m not doing this. No way.
PC: Look at it.
K: No. No! No! Thank you, Thank you.
PC: He’ll never fly again!
K: I say good day.
*beep*
PC: KAISER GET IN HERE RIGHT NOW!
K: Yes, police commissioner.
PC: This coat fit me properly?
K: Yea, I think you look pretty good.
PC: I can’t figure out if it’s part of… Can you? Come on.
K: Yea, yea, I’ll help. Here we go.
PC: Mmmm.
K: There you are.
PC: Ah.
K: How’s that?
PC: Ah-ah.
K: Okay. Alright
*beep*
PC: KAISER I WANT YOU IN MY OFFICE PRONTO!
K: Yes, police commissioner.
PC: Hoooly moley, I got a funny joke for you.
K: Oh, tell it to me! I could use a funny joke.
PC: Alllright.
K: What is it?
PC: Close your eyes and put your hand on my desk.
K: …What are you gonna do?
PC: Just do it.
K: I don’t know if this is a good idea.
PC: Close your eyes and put your hand on my desk.
K: No, I think this is a joke on me, and I don’t wanna-
PC: Trust me, trust me.
K: Ehhhh.
PC: Alright, your eyes closed tight?
K: Yea.
*whump*
K: Motherfucker! Why the fuck did you do that?
PC: I hit your hand with this hammer!
K: Yea, why did you, that’s not funny!
PC: Haaahahaa!
K: Screw you police commissioner! Listen, listen, I resign.
PC: No way!
K: I’m gonna write a letter of resignation right now.
PC: You’re hired.
*beep*
PC: KAISER GET IN HERE RIGHT NOW!
K: Ugh, yes, police commissioner.
PC: Look how big that is!
K: Yea, that is big.
PC: I don’t- can’t believe how big that is!
K: Yea, that is really really big.
PC: Wow!
K: I don’t even know how they got it in here.
PC: I don’t even know what it is.
K: Yea, what- what are you gonna do with it?
PC: I don’t know, maybe um, how w- warm do you think it is?
K: I don’t know, it looks pretty warm.
PC: Looks pretty warm!
K: Yea.
PC: Touch it with your… Touch it with your skin.
K: What?
PC: Touch it with your skin a little bit.
K: Why don’t you touch it with your skin?
PC: Oh, I’ve been doing it for hours before you got in here. Touch it with your skin.
K: Well, what was it doing to your skin?
PC: Nothing.
K: It was doing nothing to your skin?
PC: Nothing at all, touch it.
K: Are you lying to me, police commissioner?
PC: Nooo, nooo.
K: Why do you want me to touch it with my skin?
PC: Just touch it with your skin.
K: I don’t think I’m gonna do that.
PC: Touch it with some of your skin.
K: No, listen, I’ve gotta get to work, there’s a lot of stuff that needs to be done. I’m not gonna touch that with my skin.
PC: Ba-gawwk! Ba-gawwk!
K: Are you calling me a chicken?
PC: No. Cum on me.
K: Thank you.
*beep*
PC: KAISER GET IN HERE RIGHT NOW!
K: What is it, police commissioner?
PC: My hands are turning into some sort of cream.
K: Your hands are turning into a cream?
PC: Oh, I can just tell.
K: Well, did you, did you eat anything?
PC: When I woke up in the morning, I saw a huge cream.
K: You saw a cream?
PC: In my hands.
K: Well maybe, maybe it’s not that your hands are turning into cream, maybe it’s just that you have some cream on your hands.
PC: No, no, you don’t see.
K: You’ve used all the sea?
PC: YOOOOUUUUUUU!!!
*extended beep*
Lyrics submitted by evancesanek
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Thank you evancesanek. One step closer to showing the world the best ever comic skit that no one's heard.