The song lyrics were written by the band Van Halen, as they were asked to write a song for the 1979 movie "Over the Edge" starring Matt Dillon. The movie (and the lyrics, although more obliquely) are about bored, rebellious youth with nothing better to do than get into trouble. If you see the movie, these lyrics will make more sense. It's a great movie if you grew up in the 70s/80s you'll definitely remember some of these characters from your own life. Fun fact, after writing the song, Van Halen decided not to let the movie use it.
He gets his information from overhearing conversations
He doesn't ask questions, doesn't learns many lessons
And he keeps his mouth shut until it boils over and he blows up
And then he can't form his words right, and they don't fit together so tight
And I hope to God that he will find his name,
And not listen to his so-called friends when they boldly say,
[Chorus]
"This is the way that you are," don't let them say,
"This is the way that you are."
She doesn't have much to say about yesterday, or what happened to her when she was eight
So she drinks a lot and it makes her feel OK for the moment, but it's gone when she awakes
So don't give yourself away,
And don't listen to them when they say
[Chorus: x2]
He doesn't ask questions, doesn't learns many lessons
And he keeps his mouth shut until it boils over and he blows up
And then he can't form his words right, and they don't fit together so tight
And I hope to God that he will find his name,
And not listen to his so-called friends when they boldly say,
[Chorus]
"This is the way that you are," don't let them say,
"This is the way that you are."
She doesn't have much to say about yesterday, or what happened to her when she was eight
So she drinks a lot and it makes her feel OK for the moment, but it's gone when she awakes
So don't give yourself away,
And don't listen to them when they say
[Chorus: x2]
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love this song.
I think it's about not letting others' judgments about you define who you are or who you become; become who you want to be, yourself.
From an interview with Matt MacDonald (lead singer) at JesusFreakHideout.com:
Question: Is "The Way That You Are" inspired by anyone specific?
Matt: "You know, it's really inspired by people watching, and I do it a lot. My mom told me when I was a kid, I used to swear to God I was a psychic and that I could read people's minds laughter but I'm pretty sure that's not true. But I believe now I am not a psychic but I do like to sit and look at people sometimes and look at their actions and how they interact. "
"And we're on tour a lot, we're traveling a lot, looking out windows a lot so sometimes it gets my mind reeling about 'what is that person, why is that person the way they are?' And trying to figure out who they are and try to put a story to what made them who they are, what made them dress like that, act like that, or twitch like that, or laugh like that, you know? And they're definitely fictional characters but I think they're very real characters in that there are people who, the characters in the 'The Way That You Are,' the story, could identify with. And so that was the idea behind that, just to put something out there that maybe someone could sing along to and go, 'that's me,' you know? Or 'I relate to that in some way' or 'I have a friend like that.'"
I don't know about anyone else, but I know I can definitely relate to the first person in this song. I tend to just keep quiet in a lot of situations and listen to what other people are saying instead of putting my self out there in the middle of things. I also saw a theme of not letting others dictate who you are, much like Maenberlin pointed out.
Oh, and for the record, I post this interview just to give some insight into what Matt thinks of the song. Obviously, it can mean different things to different people, and I'm not trying to say that it can only be interpreted the way that he (or I) interprets it.
Peace.
To me it means that sometimes we get ourselves into failures such as addictions or sexual immoralities and one of the hardest things to do is tell those you befriended in those situations that you want out, that you want to quit. Telling a friend who you do drugs with that you are through with doing those drugs and even sometimes confessing your guilt about it can be hard. Many times they backlash due to their guilt and desire or their loneliness and try to tell you there is nothing you can do, that you are a sinner and always will be a sinner in order to get you to stay. Or a man/Woman tells their partner that they can't leave because they are a used whore and that nobody would want them knowing that. This song, to me tells the listener that forget that. Don't let them tell you that that's the way you are, because you are more than your failures. And to add a religious tone to that, that you can start over in the mercy of God.
at the question mark its "say" in the first pre-chorus
anyways, the meaning to me is that a girl he knew was hurt emotionally and physically when she was 8. and that now she drinks unconditionally.
and she hears the person that hurt her saying who she is. when she doesn't need the person saying who she is.
"This is the way, that you are Don't let them say This is the way, that you are"
thats just my take on it for now
Some people just are told that their problems ARE their identity and that it is not worth fighting. That that's just the way that they are. I think The Classic Crime is saying that you don't have to let negative parts of your life define you and that nothing bad is intrinsically part of you. That seems consistent with the values and themes of their other songs.