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Well, I went down to Mos Eisley for a converter
Hell, ya know how hot it gets on Tatooine
Well then I saw that there cantina
I'll go in for an Orangina
I heard it was rough but how bad could it be?

Well I walked through the door and the music stopped--dead
All manner of man and beasts were starin' at me
Seems just one week before their Twi'lek slave girl walked out the door
And I guess I was the next best thing they'd seen

I lost more than my heart in that cantina
I left my manhood there on Tatooine
Son, it don't mean you're weak if you turn the other cheek
But if you spread 'em both for Jabba, son, you ain't a man!

I was hit over the head by ol' Han Solo
I'da never guessed that pirate was a homo
I woke up next to Chewbacca
I was smeared in Wookie caca
And what they did to my poor nipples was a no-no!

Ol' Greedo greedily grabbed his green weenie
And he yanked that sucker til it wasn't so teenie
He pulled me into Jabba's hut
He stared intently at my butt
And then he oota-toota'ed me with his zucchini

I lost more than my heart in that cantina
I left my manhood there on Tatooine
Son, it don't mean you're weak if you turn the other cheek
But if you spread 'em both for Jabba, son, you ain't a man!

Well, a guy walked up and said "My friend doesn't like you."
I said 'Sorry.'
He said 'I don't like you either, you better watch your self!' - I think his name was Tom Waits
And then some old dude who taught Vader
Chopped his arm off with a sabre
That later made for one red hot anal invader - owwwww

I was broken on the floor beat to a stupor
Then I was saved! There at the door were 10 storm troopers!
But then my hope faded away,
I didn't know they cloned 'em gay
And they each took turns storm troopin' me in the pooper

I lost more than my heart in that cantina
I left my manhood there on Tatooine
Son, it don't mean you're weak if you turn the other cheek
Which is why I still go there every week!


Lyrics submitted by horrorcunt

Cantina song meanings
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2 Comments

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  • 0
    General CommentI think it's pretty obvious what this song is about.

    I can't believe it doesn't have any comments yet. It's hilarious. I fecking love Voltaire.
    ChromePiggyon May 15, 2009   Link
  • 0
    Song ComparisonI wrote down the lyrics for the Bitrektual Version of the song:

    Well, I went down to Mos Eisley for a converter.
    Hell, you know how hot it gets on Tatooine.
    Then I saw that there cantina.
    'I'll go in for an Orangina.'
    I heard it was rough, but how bad could it be?
    Well, I walked through the door and the music stopped dead.
    All manner of men and beast were starin' at me.
    Seems just one week before, their Twi'lek slave girl walked out the door, and I guess I was the next best thing they'd seen.

    I lost more than my heart in that cantina.
    I left my manhood there on Tatooine.
    "Son, it don't mean you're weak if you turn the other cheek.
    But if you spread 'em both for Jabba, son, you ain't a man."

    Old Hammerhead, he fixed his mind to screw me.
    Whipped out his tool and nailed me to the bar.
    My anus he destroyed, and now I got me hemorrhoids.
    They had to wrench him off my nuts with a gaffi bar.

    I was hit over the head by ol' Han Solo.
    I'd've never guessed that pirate was a homo.
    I woke up next to Chewbacca.
    I was smeared in Wookie caca, and what they did to my poor nipples was a no-no.

    I lost more than my heart in that cantina.
    I left my manhood there on Tatooine.
    "Son, it don't mean you're weak if you turn the other cheek.
    But if you spread 'em both for Jabba, son, you ain't a man."

    Old Salacious Crumb's so small you can't detect him.
    Before I knew it, he shoved himself straight in my rectum.
    And then, just to be heinous, he screamed real loud out of my anus.
    Now I got an anal car alarm and I can't disconnect him.

    Ol' Greedo greedily grabbed his green weenie and he yanked that sucker 'til it wa'n't so teenie.
    He pulled me into Jabba's hut.
    He stared intently at my butt and then he oota-tootaed me with his zucchini.

    I lost more than my heart in that cantina.
    I left my manhood there on Tatooine.
    "Son, it don't mean you're weak if you turn the other cheek.
    But if you spread 'em both for Jabba, son, you ain't a man."

    Take it away, boys.
    Well, a guy walked up and said, "My friend doesn't like you."
    I said, "Sorry."
    He said, "I don't like you either.
    You better watch yourself."
    I think his name was Tom Waits.
    And then some old dude who taught Vader chopped his arm off with a saber that later made for one red hot anal invader.
    Owww.

    I was broken on the floor, beat to a stupor.
    Then I was saved.
    There at the door were 10 Storm Troopers.
    But then my hope faded away.
    I didn't know they cloned 'em gay.
    And they each took turns storm troopin' me in the pooper.

    I lost more than my heart in that cantina.
    I left my manhood there on Tatooine.
    "Son, it don't mean you're weak if you turn the other cheek."
    Which is why I still go there every week.
    TR_Jessieon October 17, 2014   Link

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