His two handed handshake
Says he's so glad to meet you
His one silver earring
Says he parties on weekends

He churns through the channels
When he's watching the TV
He recites lines from movies
When he's trying to be funny

Guys, it's like we're not even trying

Yeah, she danced with that one guy
She must know we're watching
It seems like less people
Than were here just last weekend

She's still pretty pissed
About her ex's new trick
There were stares
And glares and names

Girls, you know you're not really helping

I don't think that you'll find love
In some bathroom at some club
I know some kids who didn't come back

We had First Ave. on Fridays
We're pirates at port
We go in and we get high,
Two at a time
We get drunk on the sports

We're falling into bed
With our television sets
We're watching movies
That we've already seen

Guys, it's like we're not even trying

You dress like contestants
At some desparate paegent
You fall asleep in your makeup
You wake up with a blemish

You're making up your mind
About the drinks after work
It's such a gossipy office

Girls, you're gonna find someone

You don't have to rush it
You're too young to force your crushes
You don't have to rush it
You're too young to fake your crushes


Guys, I'm pretty sure that we can put it back together
And girls, you gotta try to be nice to one another

Guys, I'm pretty sure that we can put it back together
And girls, you gotta try to be nice to one another

I don't think we'll get the truth
From kids with stickers on their boots
I know some kids who didn't come back
From the plywood painted black

We gotta try a little harder
We gotta be a little better
We gotta pull it back together

Lyrics submitted by shrodes

Two Handed Handshake song meanings
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  • 0
    General CommentAmazing song, I feel this should have been on the CD (instead of Cutters)
    shrodeson July 02, 2008   Link
  • 0
    General CommentGood song, but its not better than anything on Stay Postive.

    One For the Cutters is essential to the album's storyline and a great song. There's no way it should have been cut for this.
    st5801on July 07, 2008   Link
  • 0
    General CommentI believe the line is
    “We had First Ave on Fridays – We’re pirates in port”

    Not as sure – but I think it should be
    “It's such a gossipy office”
    pummamanon July 18, 2008   Link
  • 0
    General Commentshrodes- this song is one of the bonus tracks on Stay Positve
    arrfepon July 25, 2008   Link
  • 0
    General CommentI agree with Shrodes, it should be on the album, but not instead of One For The Cutters, I love that track, I don't see why people don't like it so much.

    Yeah Sapphire sounds like a B-side to me.
    Gruberon August 05, 2008   Link
  • 0
    General CommentOne of my two favorites from Stay Positive. The other being Ask Her for Some Adderol. Both bonus tracks... don't know why.
    LeftysParadeon September 04, 2008   Link
  • 0
    General CommentMy favorite song as well. It's up there for me with Stuck Between Stations
    levittomeon September 10, 2008   Link
  • 0
    General CommentI really like the reference to First Ave in Minneapolis. I'm pissed that I couldn't get tickets to the show with them and the drive-by truckers. Sold out way to quick.
    I agree though solid song but it kind of reminds me of girls you can make him like you in a way.
    doc6982on September 22, 2008   Link
  • 0
    General Commentis it "he turns through channels"?
    mechpope13on January 15, 2010   Link
  • 0
    General Comment@Gruber: Yeah Sapphire isn't a great song, I agree, but it IS a song that ties in with the wider THS mythology, and this one isn't. I prefer mythology songs on albums instead of songs like this one, which is good but nonessential.
    Keterianon July 29, 2010   Link

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