hello hi my name is Mary and I'm an addict
I've been sober now for.............24 hours
I just have some issues

I just took some benzedrine Percoset codeine
dusted up smoked some weed candy flipped
and popped in Visine
so my timing may be off I vaporize to fuel the cough
adrenaline is pressuring Doctor bring the medicine
some ketamine Vicodin Xanax and anthrax
I'm hiding all my needle tracks I'm fighting off heart attacks
nosebleeds cheap speed shitty weed all seed
gettin frisky dirty deeds sippin whiskey on my knees
about 2 burn out crooked mouth turned out on another bout
I'm chillin in a glass house pourin another glass out
I'm goin in my stash now there ain't nothin I ain't using
GHB LSD Valium and Ecstasy
Pop mescaline with Mexicans
put ether in my napkin
I've got so many skeletons I'm a chemical reaction
I'm pissed off pissed on express addiction through this song
half my memory is gone the X in me lets me belong

I can't help but to help myself I'm losing my mind I need help
filling my mind with doubt I'd do anything to get out

5 AM fully geeked sweat tricklin down my cheek
mouth bone dry can't even speak the cover girl for heroin chic
the enemy inside of me pressures me intentionally
coke wench tweeker b*tch c**ktease
best friend park bench make the switch some of these
a few of them I wake up bent my money spent
how'm I gonna pay my rent
my sugar daddy needs the ends
my dealer is my new best friend
waking up in strangers' beds with these voices in my head
drunk c*nt coke blunts junkie bitch bathroom bumps
homeless broken out of luck and really jus don't give a sh*t
uneffective unemployed unstable null and void
my vanity has been destroyed the famine keeps me paranoid
blacked out white lines highballs crooked spine
comatose overdose took it to the borderline
sirens ambulance doctors cuttin off my pants
black & blue in ICU I've got a fifty-fifty chance

I can't help but to help myself I'm losing my mind I need help
filling my mind with doubt I'd do anything to get out
dope fiend quarantine feed me caffeine nicotine
trade it 4 some Thorazine morphine or dopamine
itchy veins Novocaine stop these voices in my brain
as my muscles start to strain help me Lord am I insane
fix me quick suck my d*ck your counseling makes me sick
answer me where's my sh*t tell me what you did with it
I can't stop shaking feel my twitch
I can't stop shaking feel my twitch
I can't stop shaking feel my twitch
I hate U all U f**kin b*tch

I can't help but to help myself I'm losing my mind I need help
filling my mind with doubt I'd do anything to get out


Lyrics submitted by IRON MIADEN!

Rehab song meanings
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    General CommentThis song is awesome, i can't believe more ppl don't know it! The way she sings it really captures the emotion too, i'd say. She truly seems to have been there... The lyrics reminds me SO MUCH of myself...i can relate to most of it but especially a few specific parts--that opening part "hello hi my name is Mary and I'm an addict--I've been sober now for.............24 hours I just have some issues" sounds exactly like what i say whenever i show up to NA meetings. (Only instead of Mary it's Ginger) it's never much more than 24 hours tho...before i break & go back to the bullshit.

    "I'm hiding all my needle tracks I'm fighting off heart attacks" reminds me of how i'm supposed to be 'clean & sober' but every time the thought of not having H crosses my mind I have panic/anxiety attacks which make me feel like i'm having a fucking heart attack & like i'll die if i don't hurry up & shoot up again to calm myself down.
    The only time my life feels okay without heroin is if i'm rolling at a rave--which the line "the X in me lets me belong" makes me think of.
    The part that says "I'm chillin in a glass house" for me describes the way drugs are so necessary for me to feel okay that if i don't have them it feels like my whole world is shattering, but as long as i can keep getting high i continue to chill in my glass house, but as soon as i can't i'm fucked.

    From the way i always glamorized heroin at first & how i bragged about how much weight i lost from it, people would always tell me how if there was like a television commercial to promote heroin i would definitely be the spokeswoman for it--which the line "the cover girl for heroin chic" totally reminds me of.
    "the enemy inside of me pressures me intentionally" is probably the line i can relate to most, because the reason i turned to drugs & can't get away from them is the mental disorders i have. they've always caused me to turn to self-destructive behaviors & drugs are just the worst that i've turned to so far...i hate myself & it seems i am ALWAYS doing something more to hurt myself...
    "tweeker bitch"--been called that quite a few times back when i was into speed.

    "best friend park bench" makes me think of how whenever i can't get shit & i start to have panic attacks i go sit at the park & talk to everyone that walks thru to distract myself from the withdrawals.
    "I wake up bent my money spent
    how'm I gonna pay my rent" (self explanitory)
    "my dealer is my new best friend" - i've started to notice these past few months that whoever hooks me up with the most drugs always seems to end up being the person i spend most of my time with & call my "best friend". It's not intentional...i guess i just think of them as someone who cares about me the most because they give me the things that make me happy...which makes them my best friend.

    "broken out of luck and really jus don't give a sh*t
    uneffective unemployed unstable null and void
    my vanity has been destroyed the famine keeps me paranoid" perfectly describes the point i'm at in my life right now...
    "dope fiend"--been called that a couple hundred times.
    "quarantine feed me caffeine nicotine"--that reminds me of the detox facility. the only way to not feel dead in there was to drink a bunch of coffee, & everyone was fiending for cigarettes but we couldn't smoke so i was breking the rules & putting on more than on nicotine patch so i could stop thinking about smoking :P
    "itchy veins "--makes me think of how when i don't have dope it's not just the drugs i miss--it's the feeling of shooting up. like my veins are screaming for a needle.
    "stop these voices in my brain"--again--the mental disorders. the voices either tell me to get high or to fucking kill myself.
    "as my muscles start to strain"--the muscle aches of withdrawals.
    "help me Lord am I insane"--i definitely feel crazy when i withdraw!
    "fix me quick suck my d*ck your counseling makes me sick"--also reminds me of the detox clinic. they didn't give me shit that made my withdrawals go away. that really pissed me off.
    "answer me where's my sh*t tell me what you did with it"--reminds me of countless conversations with my friends...my fucking lying-ass junkie friends.
    "I can't stop shaking feel my twitch
    I can't stop shaking feel my twitch
    I can't stop shaking feel my twitch
    I hate U all U f**kin b*tch"--the feling of withdrawing. i say those same damn things.

    And finally, "I can't help but to help myself I'm losing my mind I need help
    filling my mind with doubt I'd do anything to get out" can't help but to help myself--that's what i call it--"helping" myself. i refer to heroin as my "medicine". cause it works as the anti-depressant i always needed, & a great & pain-killer. It really feels like i am helping myself when i do it...in a lot of ways...it seems to make me a better person when i'm on it. So OF COURSE i can't help but to do that. At least that's the way i rationalize using.
    But when it comes down to it i DO need help cause it IS causing me to lose my mind because there is no way i can afford it enough & when those receptors in my brain aren't recieving the opiates & shit that they're used to it makes me REALLY unstable. But the more i try & fail the more i start to doubt i can ever recover, and at this point, i'm starting to feel like i'd definitely do anything to get out of this lifestyle. it's HORRIBLE.

    If you are a non-drug-user reading this--don't EVER turn to drugs. It is the biggest fucking bullshit mess you can ever get yourself into.
    faceXofXfailureon June 17, 2009   Link

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