Front step, cha cha cha
Back step, cha cha cha
Side step, front step
Back and turn

Oh my God, Penny, there's Link!
I can't believe I'm really here auditioning.

I can't believe I'm really here watching you audition!

Front step, cha cha cha
Back step, cha cha cha
Side step, front step
Back and...

Oh Amber, look at this motley crew!
This town sure has gone downhill since I was crowned.

Oh, Mother, not more ancient history.

Oh my God
How times have changed
These girls must be blind or
Completely deranged

But time seemed to halt
When I was Miss Baltimore Crabs

Amber! That move is far too dirty.

Mother, wake up from that dream of yours.
This isn't 1930!

You can laugh, but life's a test
Don't do this, don't do that
Remember, Mother knows best

But the crown's in the vault
From when I won Miss Baltimore Crabs

These steps are perfect ammunition

Let me show you how your mommy dear
Took out the competition

Girls, go get em!
Boys, let's rhumba!

Those poor runner-ups
Might still hold some grudges
They padded their cups
But I screwed the judges

Those broads thought they'd win
If a plate they would spin
In their dance
Not a chance!

Boys, put me down.
Oh, good morning ladies.
Let's see what you've got.

[Council Girls]
Twist, twist, twist, twist
Mashed potato, Mambo.

Ready? Begin.
On my show you'll never find
A thrusting hip or bump and grind

What's that, a dance for fleas and ticks?

You should have seen my bag of tricks!

Oh, I hit the stage
Batons ablaze
While belting Aida
And preparing soufflés

But that triple somersault
Is how I clinched Miss Baltimore Crabs.


Are you scared we're on live?

No, I'm sure I can cope!

Well, this show isn't broadcast in...

[Council Girls]

I never drank one chocolate malt
No desserts for Miss Baltimore Crabs

This one will never get a date
In those hand-me-down clothes

Kid, she'll never get a date
'Til daddy buys her a new nose
I would say 'oy gevalt'
If I wasn't Miss Baltimore Crabs!

Do you dance like you dress?

Amber, there's no need to be cruel!

Would you swim in an integrated pool?

I sure would.
I'm all for integration.
It's the new frontier!

Not in Baltimore it isn't.
And may I be frank?

First impressions can be tough
And when I saw you I knew it
If your size weren't enough
Your last answer just blew it!

And so, my dear so short and stout
You'll never be in

[Velma & Council Kids]
So we're kicking you out!

With your form and your face
Oh, it isn't your fault
You're just down with a case of
Miss Baltimore Crabs!

You may go.

Um .. thank you?

I think they secretly liked you.

[Little Inez]
Hello ma'am, may I please audition?

Of course not.
But you can bow and exalt!
'Cause I am Miss Baltimore Crabs!

Crabs, crabs, crabs!

Lyrics submitted by Leony-x

(The Legend Of) Miss Baltimore Crabs song meanings
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