[Velma]
Front step, cha cha cha
Back step, cha cha cha
Side step, front step
Back and turn

[Tracy]
Oh my God, Penny, there's Link!
I can't believe I'm really here auditioning.

[Penny]
I can't believe I'm really here watching you audition!

[Velma]
Front step, cha cha cha
Back step, cha cha cha
Side step, front step
Back and...

Oh Amber, look at this motley crew!
This town sure has gone downhill since I was crowned.

[Amber]
Oh, Mother, not more ancient history.

[Velma]
Oh my God
How times have changed
These girls must be blind or
Completely deranged

But time seemed to halt
When I was Miss Baltimore Crabs

Amber! That move is far too dirty.

[Amber]
Mother, wake up from that dream of yours.
This isn't 1930!

[Velma]
You can laugh, but life's a test
Don't do this, don't do that
Remember, Mother knows best

But the crown's in the vault
From when I won Miss Baltimore Crabs

[Amber]
These steps are perfect ammunition

[Velma]
Let me show you how your mommy dear
Took out the competition

Girls, go get em!
Boys, let's rhumba!
2-3-4-5-6-7

Those poor runner-ups
Might still hold some grudges
They padded their cups
But I screwed the judges

Those broads thought they'd win
If a plate they would spin
In their dance
Not a chance!

Boys, put me down.
Oh, good morning ladies.
Let's see what you've got.

[Council Girls]
Twist, twist, twist, twist
Mashed potato, Mambo.

[Velma]
Ready? Begin.
On my show you'll never find
A thrusting hip or bump and grind

[Amber]
What's that, a dance for fleas and ticks?

[Velma]
You should have seen my bag of tricks!

Oh, I hit the stage
Batons ablaze
While belting Aida
And preparing soufflés

But that triple somersault
Is how I clinched Miss Baltimore Crabs.

Proceed...

[Tammy]
Are you scared we're on live?

[Tracy]
No, I'm sure I can cope!

[Amber]
Well, this show isn't broadcast in...

[Council Girls]
Cinemascope!

[Velma]
I never drank one chocolate malt
No desserts for Miss Baltimore Crabs

[Amber]
This one will never get a date
In those hand-me-down clothes

[Velma]
Kid, she'll never get a date
'Til daddy buys her a new nose
I would say 'oy gevalt'
If I wasn't Miss Baltimore Crabs!

[Amber]
Do you dance like you dress?

[Link]
Amber, there's no need to be cruel!

[Velma]
Would you swim in an integrated pool?

[Tracy]
I sure would.
I'm all for integration.
It's the new frontier!

[Velma]
Not in Baltimore it isn't.
And may I be frank?

First impressions can be tough
And when I saw you I knew it
If your size weren't enough
Your last answer just blew it!

And so, my dear so short and stout
You'll never be in

[Velma & Council Kids]
So we're kicking you out!

[Velma]
With your form and your face
Oh, it isn't your fault
You're just down with a case of
Miss Baltimore Crabs!

[Velma]
You may go.

[Tracy]
Um .. thank you?

[Penny]
I think they secretly liked you.

[Little Inez]
Hello ma'am, may I please audition?

[Velma]
Of course not.
But you can bow and exalt!
'Cause I am Miss Baltimore Crabs!

Crabs, crabs, crabs!


Lyrics submitted by Leony-x

(The Legend Of) Miss Baltimore Crabs song meanings
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