"Handjobs for Jesus" as written by and John Feldmann....
I don't know what ends
I don't know what makes me feel alive
Cause all this time I've been alone

The bible says it all
But when they wrote that book, the earth was flat
They needed hope, they needed faith

I've spent all this time analyzing
All this time scrutinizing
All this time hypothesizing
All this time philosophizing
Is this life random and meaningless?

They saw a burning bush
If I would starve myself for ninety days, well, I'd have visions of my own
Love your neighbor as yourself
If I loved myself last night does that mean I need to jerk my neighbor off as well?

I've spent all this time analyzing
All this time scrutinizing
(What's it worth?)
All this time hypothesizing
All this time philosophizing
Is this life random and meaningless?

Do I make this trouble?
Do I make this complicated?
Indeed, this is an answer for everyone

What if I never heard of Jesus?
What if I was born alone in a cell?
(You would burn and burn in)
Heaven will wait, heaven's too late
I choose to find my heaven here on Earth
So, all religion can go straight, straight to hell

God has spoken
God will smoke all the Earth
God has spoken
God will smoke all the Earth

God has spoken, God has spoken
(God has spoken, God has spoken)

Walking down life's highway
I finally found my soul mate
In Jesus
Yeah, in Jesus

He's a friend when I had none
Handjobs for the homeless
With Jesus
Yeah, with Jesus
(Jesus! Jesus! Jesus!)

Come on, come on, come on
Come on, come on, come on
Handjobs for Jesus
Handjobs for Jesus

Come on, come on, come on
Come on, come on, come on
Handjobs for Jesus
Handjobs for Jesus
Handjobs for Jesus! Jesus! Jesus!

Lyrics submitted by smileforthecamera

"Handjobs for Jesus" as written by John Feldmann

Lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC

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Handjobs for Jesus song meanings
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  • +3
    General CommentMink4i, if this is the most insulting song you've ever heard, you obviously haven't listened to a lot of punk rock. I doubt Goldfinger's goal with this song was to change anyone's personal beliefs. Rather, I think they offer it as more of a manifesto of their atheist views, and lighted the mood by poking fun at Christianity (particularly in the second part of the song).

    Hey, if art isn't controversial, it isn't worth paying attention to.
    slimpunkon May 07, 2008   Link
  • +3
    General CommentThis song is fucking sick!

    All of you who are taking this personally, it wasn't written for you. Stop being a bunch of pussies. Others shouldn't be able to express themselves (their views, thoughts, beliefs, etc.) because you find it insulting? Great. Why don't we just abolish music so that people like you won't have shit to fucking complain about? Sound good?

    Goldfinger are amazing and I absolutely love this song.

    brunoisradon December 06, 2008   Link
  • +2
    General Commentwell as slimpunk said earlier basically this isnt as offensive as other songs ive heard. For pretty much all of the song if you look at it he isnt having a go at reliion or christianty. he is questioning it as if he doesnt know wether to believe or not. As for the little extra song bit at the end im nto sure if he is poking fun at the hardcore religious nuts or at christinaty itself but with the george bush thing i think its at the people not at the religion itself.

    one of my favourite songs at the moment. i love it
    wolfie13xon July 06, 2008   Link
  • +2
    General Commenthonestly most of you are taking this to literal. The song as derogatory as it may be, doesn't seem to be poking much at Christianity itself but at the people in it.

    Like for example, take a verse from the song "Get up";
    I’ve held my breath so many times
    When I’m praying for the tortured souls
    But your souls they seem to be done for
    Your bodies they’ve waged wars
    So what gives them the right
    To take your life from you
    Why do they all play God?
    Who said that is your job

    look at that, again with religion, not bad, but making you wonder. They don't hate on religion, they hate on fake people in religion or people who like to put themselves above everyone else. I myself was raised in and around religion and have read much into it and I kind of agree with there views on this. Religion in itself is becoming a sham and there just bold enough to jump out and say hey, this is it, this is how it is and whats going on, take it into account or not. The bush part in my opinion may have been a stretch, but really again with just poking at people in religion, not religion itself.

    I may be wrong and I don't doubt it, but those are my views.

    And I agree with redbopped, this is an amazing CD, Goldfinger impressed me yet again.
    that music guyon September 15, 2008   Link
  • +1
    General CommentThis song is amazing!
    sheflatlineson March 25, 2008   Link
  • +1
    General Commentyou humble little christians and youre fucking dogma-spitting jesus-cock filled mouths. jesus looked more like osama bin laden than a fucking feathered hair pussy. he also would probably think youre all retarded for taking everything so literally.
    the second coming of christ (won't happen) will be in your mom's hair
    Christinabucketon February 18, 2009   Link
  • 0
    General CommentThis song is insulting but you can't blame them for being lost and they said they tried to anaylize christianity, however, from an athiest view so why blame them.
    TheHumanFace_Divineon June 06, 2008   Link
  • 0
    General CommentI can't believe so many of you are so dumb. What do you mean, "what happened Goldfinger?" This is the best album Goldfinger has put out since Hang-ups.

    This song is a great poke at religion, and good portions are also true.

    If you want offensive, go listen to B2C, "show me yo bootyhole". Now that stuff is offensive, so go get a life. Listen to the rest of album even if you don't like this one. It's downright tasty.
    redboppedon July 27, 2008   Link
  • 0
    General CommentI'm more of an agnostic but I hate religion and love this song, I really agree with the said above how it's mocking the people and not the religion itself.

    Also I know it's a meanings site, but didn't anyone notice how the end sounds just like sum41 (their pain for pleasure alter ego band) Or is it just me? If you listen to their music it's remarkably similar...
    computer41on September 12, 2009   Link
  • 0
    My InterpretationI don't see the song as so much of just a straight-up insult and denial of the religion's existence, but more of the questioning of it. He's not sure if it's actually real because everyone and all the information out there from those thousands of sources make it so confusing and complicated with no real straight answers of anything. He just chooses to not accept it because of that when he says "all religion can go straight to Hell", I don't think he's necessarily saying that it's not "real".

    I also find it interesting how he does mention some form of a god in his other songs, such as "Get Up", which someone else has mentioned, as well as "You Think it's a Joke" when he says "and if there's a god above..." and so forth. It sounds to me like he possibly has partially believed it off-and-on throughout his life, but this song right here is talking about his questioning.

    He pokes fun at it obviously too, though, as a way to relieve some of the stress, anger and disappointment that believing it has given him.
    Twisted4000on August 01, 2014   Link

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