Alas, I Cannot Swim

"I will live my life regretting that I never jumped in." She has resigned herself to the fact that she will NOT jump in as long as she lives. She knows this. It isn't so much a dilemma as to whether she should make an attempt but a statement as to how it is so that she cannot ("alas, I cannot swim") and how much she bemoans that fact. She will regret it, and she knows that even thinking about it now and regrets not swimming in the past, but that doesn't change who she is or how she will act. It does exactly have to do with being guarded, with having inhibitions, and probably with having ideals. She is miserable being so, but that's how she is, which is because she finds it better than the alternative. She will take what she can get that washes up on her side of the river or that she is lucky enough that will make its conscious way to her, and she will be thankful for it and settle for it. Probably, she used to be content in her way and proud of herself. But now she yearns for the so-called gold on the other side of the river, and it hurts her to see the possibilities; but that's not what she wants, not really. That's not who she is. She's not a swimmer. If it were truly what she wanted, she would most certainly jump in the river. The thing is, it is her desire to stay where she is that prevents her from being able to swim. She wants happiness and fun and wealth and love for herself like any sane person, but she doesn't want to achieve those things in the manner of acquiring the gold. Or the secure house, the beautiful garden, the potential object of her arms and heart, the kind of life that she sees herself leading in her dreams. Perhaps she feels that she is not worthy and/or that she would rather someone else have it and enjoy it. Plus, there is the idea of going outside of her comfort zone. In order to get to the gold, she has to leave her side of the river behind, to go to some new place and in a strange manner. Yes, she is scared, but this is way bigger than getting uncomfy. She would need to leave her identity behind, to do things that she has an aversion to for whatever reason, likely personal and moral and in respect for others. I also like the double negative in "There is gold across the river, but I don't want none," even if the only reason that it exists is for rhyming purposes. Considering the colloquial use of double negatives to indicate negatives, it could be taken to mean either that she doesn't want any (which is, to me, the immediately obvious conclusion) or that she does not want to be without any. And I feel that in the situation described by the lyrics, both meanings could make sense, and it is interesting if both are taken to be true. I like the duality. She lives in her misery and envies those with gold, but she doesn't want to be "held up by a golden gun," and she does "not see why [she] should please those that will never be pleased." I think there's more to those phrases than not wanting to be subject to the power and influence of others and of the gold itself. Attaining the gold, becoming wet in the process, would go against who she is, and that would be wholly unacceptable. She is subject instead to the strict rule of staying dry, and she feels that while she may be miserable, at least she does not go against her beliefs, and that is preferable. Essentially, it is not an inherent inability that prevents her from swimming, but she would rather not, and that is why she cannot. Alas.

Of course, this is just how I interpret the lyrics, and it is probably because this is how I feel myself, all the time. It is quite frustrating, to want more but not to want to go for it. I do not think that it is ultimately due to the risk/fright that she does not swim, though I understand that interpretation to a degree. Individuality is certainly a part of it, but I think it's more about personality than maintaining individuality. As for what YouCantHelpIt said, yes, she most certainly is missing out! She declares that she lives in constant misery. How can you say that she is not missing out if this is the case? TheLostDirector said that there's nothing wrong with being miserable, but I don't see how that can be true. It's just that she has accepted living in misery as how she will continue to live her life. But she still wants to be happy, and she deserves to be happy, don't you think? It's kind of tragic.