As through the pipes the waters fell down to the bottom of the well,
in listless apathy I gazed at the cold waters … - as he bathed.
I half behold that scenery and its most sensual masculinity.
Yet, disappointment, oh, can't you see, he's still the cause and the cardinal symptom of my sick, sad reality.

Silver equals chill, but that suits me just fine. I'm shyly sipping
water … while he drinks whole jugs of wine. He likes all kind of women, and I … I only hate … men.
He marvels at all things new to him … - and I only wait … for all things in this sick world … to end.

The water pouring down his spine, caressed his strong physique, oh, so well-defined, calm like a rock he stands, oh, behold his body and soul a friendly God must have built this man to an all well-balanced whole.
What sad bewilderment this brought, physical clearness, alas, still so much abhorred:
an ancient ghost awoke and fiercely arose in me:
it was that old, savage, yet half-forgotten ideal of perfect neutrality.

Silver equals chill, but that suits me just fine. I'm shyly sipping water…
while he drinks whole jugs of wine. He likes all kind of women, and I…
I only hate… men.
He marvels at all things new to him… -
and I only wait… for all things in this sick world… to end.

I somewhat envy this naturally beautiful man, he never knew or encountered the hatred and shame that I bare.
The doubt, the cloak of disgust and the all-devouring dread, and if I told him about it,
he might only shake his head with kindly amused, melodious laughter,
he then would perhaps merely smile at my … oh, so stupid silliness …
and the beast that is raging inside.


Lyrics submitted by LaMortDArthur, edited by herakleitos

In Der Palästra song meanings
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9 Comments

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  • +4
    General Commentan ancient ghost awoke and fiercely arose in me:
    it was that old, savage, yet half-forgotten ideal of perfect neutrality.

    scubzer0 , you are correct about the sentiment of the lyrics, however she was not born a hermaphrodite. She is a pre-operative transexual, and is not intending to have an operation. The above lyric refers to her very strong desire, not necessarily to become a woman, but rather to have no gender at all.

    What sad bewilderment this brought, physical clearness, alas, still so much abhorred:

    Here looking at him she sees remnants of herself or what she could have been if only she didn't hate that idea so much.

    This song is beautiful, thank you so much Anna-Varney Cantodea.
    ravensrayneon September 28, 2009   Link
  • +1
    My Opinionher lyrics are so elegant. especially this one, i dont think i have fully heard these without crying if i dont turn it off first to avoid doing so.

    what i get from this song is Anna is singing about a man she loves, yet can not be with him for some reason or another. well it says it right in there "And I... I only hate men"

    what is the real meaning?
    toksikkittehon August 08, 2009   Link
  • +1
    My InterpretationAs a transsexual myself, it is obvious that this song is about the disconnection one as a transsexual feels with one's body, and wishing one could just accept it as it is while it is impossible to do so.
    The song is about Anna showering, watching her own body but as with the perspective of another person, since she feels that the body is not hers.
    I will write down roughly how I interpret the verses, and go into details on some things.

    The first verse is an introduction to the setting, the shower, where she watches her body and feels the disconnection.

    Chorus:
    The masculine personality that was expected from her, that she could have embraced as herself, is a bold forward heterosexual man, and had she felt okay with that, she could have been interested in this world, but being in the situation she's in, she been exposed to a lot of negativity in the world and longs for the end (death or not I can't say).

    Second verse:
    The body she is in is one of a good-looking male body, and even if she is amazed at it, she feels disgust towards it and feels the yearning for repressing her feminine self and wishes she could just be an inbetween gender and feel okay with herself. The line about God is interesting because it suggests that if she believes in God, she feels he's done wrong, that she's defying him.

    Last verse:
    If she had been cisgendered and okay with her body, then she would also never have experienced the pains and sorrows she has suffered, and all the doubt about where to go with her gender identity (surpressing, living it out, treatments etc, all tough choices), and the disgust towards her own body, and in a way she envies that version of herself she could have been, yet if she met herself like that and tried to explain herself to him, he would not understand and not take her seriously, so in a way she's lucky to have a deeper understanding of life than had she not been transsexual.

    And now for some closer looks:

    "Yet, disappointment, oh, can't you see, he's still the cause and the cardinal symptom of my sick, sad reality."
    This is one of the best lines tbh. The body is the cause of her negative view of the world, through her experiences as a transperson in society and from the feeling of feeling so extremely wrong in her own skin, and it's also the symptom because she cannot do anything about it.

    "An ancient ghost awoke and fiercely arose in me:
    it was that old, savage, yet half-forgotten ideal of perfect neutrality."
    The neutrality spoken of is that of gender. The idea of her body being a perfectly fine male body gives her regret at feeling the way she does, which makes her wish she could be content with being an inbetween between the gender so she could be ok with her body, yet this ”ancient ghost” with the ideal is just a ghost, not her real self and her real wishes, something she created to try to suppress herself.
    herakleitoson July 22, 2014   Link
  • 0
    General CommentOh my God, this song is amazing...
    Andrew Evenstaron March 26, 2008   Link
  • 0
    General CommentSee comment above :)
    Andrew Evenstaron August 07, 2008   Link
  • 0
    General Commentit is amazing indeed, it brings me to tears and i can relate to its platonicism.
    the_perfect_fiton November 08, 2008   Link
  • 0
    General Comment<3
    Andrew Evenstaron May 19, 2009   Link
  • 0
    General CommentThe lyrics to this song are so elegant, so descriptive. What a truly amazing work of art.
    azraelfarishtaon June 03, 2009   Link
  • 0
    General CommentThis song is just utterly amazing, and beautiful!
    AnalogMindon February 19, 2014   Link

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