The Illinois Enema Bandit
I heard he's on the loose
I heard he's on the loose
Lord, the pitiful screams
Of all them college-educated women...
Boy, he'd just be tyin' 'em up
(They'd be all bound down!)
Just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag fulla
The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice
He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with the bag fulla
The Illinois Bandit Juice

(repeat)

The Illinois Enema Bandit
I heard it on the news
I heard it on the news
Bloomington Illinois...he has caused some alarm
Just sneakin' around there
From farm to farm
Got a rubberized bag
And a horse on his arm
Lookin' for some rustic co-ed rump
That he just might wanna pump

(repeat)

The Illinois Enema Bandit
Some day he'll have to pay
Some day he'll have to pay
The police will say, "You're under arrest!"
And the judge would have him for a special guest
The D.A. will order a secret test
And stuff his pudgy little thumbs in the side of his vest
Then they'll put out a call for the jury folks
And the judge would say, "No poo-poo jokes!"
Then they'll drag in the bandit for all to see,
Sayin', "Don't nobody have no sympathy...
HOT SOAPY WATER in the FIRST DEGREE!"
And the Bandit might say, "Why is everybody always pickin' on me?"
WELL DID YOU CAUSE THIS MISERY?
WELL DID YOU CAUSE THIS MISERY?
WELL DID YOU CAUSE THIS MISERY?
One girl shout: "Let the Bandit be!"
BANDIT ARE YOU GUILTY? TELL ME, WHAT'S YOUR PLEA?
Another girl shout: "Let the fiend go free!"
ARE YOU GUILTY? BANDID, DID YOU DO THESE DEEDS?
The Bandit say: "It must be just what they all needs..."
etc. repeat


Lyrics submitted by ferret111

The Illinois Enema Bandit song meanings
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    General CommentIt's a true story, but as Frank takes care to point out, the courtroom scene has been fictionalised. The Bandit never did face the (sexual and/or common) assault that many people expected - all he got was a short-ish sentence for armed robbery.
    imrazoron March 08, 2010   Link

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