We decided to go through the fields with it - Stevie thinking it might be embarrassing carrying a carpet along the roadside - and as we got to the first gate we saw Mary coming the other way. "Just out for a walk then lads?" she said. That's right. We always like to carry a full size floor carpet between us when we're out stretching our legs. It wasn't that hard actually. Not heavy between us or anything, more awkward. It sags in the middle, and has this course, scratchy underlay that itches your arms and shoulders. We didn't really need a rest, but when we came to that Farm Tea Kitchen thing we got a can each and had a sit down. At which point that carpet came in pretty handy actually. And Stevie's watching these cows in a field and he says that places like farms and zoos make him sick. Keeping animals fenced in for our own enjoyment and everything. I want to say that I'm not sure we should enforce a contemporary human psychological perspective on what are only animals, but decided it would be lost and instead concentrated on watching a cloud that looked like Wile E. Coyote biting a monkey's shoulder. It wasn't much further, but when we got it there I couldn't helped but be underwhelmed by the gratitude. "Just put it down there," she says. And that's it. A minute later we're walking back. I can still see Wile E. Coyote and the monkey. And as we're going it starts to get cold in the fields and the wind starts to pick up. And out of nowhere, Stevie is gone. Off over the fence and in with his cows. I wait. And I shout. And then I think sod it and piss off home. But the next morning, I'm in the newsagents getting some milk, and just as I bloody well turn to leave, it's there. A whole one. A real one. Blocking my path. Right in the doorway of a newsagents, eating the newspapers...


Lyrics submitted by bluebetty

Funnier With A Plank song meanings
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