Hi, John it's Mel from Meglaphone
I've been listening to your tape for the 19th time
Oh that's another call - can I call you
Back when I was in a band we used to sound like this
And I loved your songs, they reminded me of myself
You sound like Air Supply meets GWAR
In a good way, Here's my other number
Can you wait for just a sec -
That's another call, I'll get back to you
Have my girl take your information

Hi, John it's Guy from Groan-o-phone
Heard some talk about the band and the way you sing
I really think it's great - can we make a
Deal with me, call me a friend, we'll be a family
You're a talented individual
If you sign here on the dotted line... that's good
And my nephew will be your producer

Yo, John it's Bill from Biddybum
Word is traveling around that you've got some tunes
We will not be outbid -
Radio is in the bag, we own the chart
They will not add your song
Without checking with our promotion staff

Hi, John it's Shep from Shinola
We really should do a lunch
Quite a tape indeed - my secretary flipped
You're a genius

My name is Johnny Virgil
I play this here guitar
I play it for myself


Got hands that move like clockwork
A voice that carries far
Got a love for nothing else


Hi, Jack it's Al from A&R
You don't really need the band they are in the way
We only wanted you any way
So dump the band, you are the face
You better wise up fast
This is not a game - we're professionals
Did I mention that you won't be out this year
Cannot be helped - go take a vacation
One more thing that you should know
We're all counting on you to be
Our new golden boy

Lots of lives and jobs in the balance

Virgil it's Pete your president
Calling to congratulate you on your fine choice
You must be very proud, so are we
I'm sure your music is terrif although I must admit
I don't listen to much of anything
Did I mention that I used to have a band?
I have to run, been great talking to you

Hi, Joe about publicity
Thought about the photo op with the cripple
No, we need a sharper hook - like a scandal
Maybe you could rape a nun
Or better still a priest
Some androgyny could be interesting

Hi, Jim it's Val from video
Who decided on your hair?
Can we cut it off?
We'd like to see a buzz bin rotation

My name is Johnny Virgil
I play this here guitar...
Ah fuck it


My name is Johnny Virgil
I'm gonna be a star
If this is how it's done


Lyrics submitted by SamuraiMoose

Suit Fugue (Dance of the A&R Men) song meanings
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