I think much like another song “Anti-Matter” (that's also on the same album as this song), this one is also is inspired by a horrifying van crash the band experienced on Nov 3, 2022. This, much like the other track, sounds like it's an extension what they shared while huddled in the wreckage, as they helped frontman Garrett Russell stem the bleeding from his head wound while he was under the temporary effects of a concussion. The track speaks of where the mind goes at the most desperate & desolate of times, when it just about slips away to all but disconnect itself, and the aftermath.
Don't tell me
My love's not the one that I want
That he's not the one that I need
I'd rather find out for myself
You're the one
Who shakes at the touch of my hand
But can't decide where you should stand
If I was smart I'd never call you, call you
Ever again
Oh, in my ears,
My blood is just roaring
When he's the only one
I've ever wanted
I suppose that's just
The way it is
Just to think this could be
The last time
I hold you, hold you
Ever again
Oh, I don't think
I'd ever sleep 'til morning
'Cause he's the only one
I've ever wanted
Oh and in my ears
My blood is just roaring
'Cause he's the only one
I've ever wanted
I suppose that's just
The way it is
My love's not the one that I want
That he's not the one that I need
I'd rather find out for myself
You're the one
Who shakes at the touch of my hand
But can't decide where you should stand
If I was smart I'd never call you, call you
Ever again
Oh, in my ears,
My blood is just roaring
When he's the only one
I've ever wanted
I suppose that's just
The way it is
Just to think this could be
The last time
I hold you, hold you
Ever again
Oh, I don't think
I'd ever sleep 'til morning
'Cause he's the only one
I've ever wanted
Oh and in my ears
My blood is just roaring
'Cause he's the only one
I've ever wanted
I suppose that's just
The way it is
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i LOVE this song.
When I first heard it, I was a little surprised with the lyrics, specifically the opening lyrics. They seemed a bit sophomoric and plain. "Don't tell me my love's not the one that I want, that he's not the one that I need." Even "I'd rather find out for myself" is very childish in style. After additional listens, now I see the arrangement and diction as cleverly chosen. The juvenile opening was purposeful to give the idea of "a little girl in a big house," as is illustrated by the music video. She's drawing a parallel between the childish, but universally human, wants that can be as simple a wanting ice cream, but not being able to have it because it's not good for you, or it's not available, or somebody is stopping you - to the much more mature idea of wanting someone so badly but for whatever reason, not being able to be with them. It's that same frustration of yearning for something you can't have, something that haunts you with desire, but on grander level. She warns herself with logic that "If I were smart I'd never call you, call you, ever again" because she knows better. But that doesn't mean she feels better. The line "just to think this could be the last time I hold you, hold you, ever again" even draws references to a little girl holding on to a doll that she doesn't want to give away. And here, it's a much more advanced, mature, and developed feeling that overwhelms the mind of holding a person. There's an overarching frustration, even in the way it's sung, of the feeling of "oh come on, why can't I just have it/him." She arrives at the simple conclusion, that works both for the child and for the ultra-sophisticated, that "I suppose that's just the way it is."
Her voice is somewhat haunting in that it fills you with that feeling of frustration and calamity and sadness for wanting something so badly that "in [your] ears [your] blood is just roaring." The song, and her voice, just build and build and swing and swing and then come back down to the conclusion that it's just the way it is. Juvenile, profound, and unequivocally true, all at the same time.
Self explanatory song. I saw Atkins open for another band at the Stone Pony and was blown away. This song and "Where Did You Sleep Last Night" were amazing.
Looking forward to her cd :)
this song is soo powerfull. amazing .
i love this song. it depresses me but that's fine
i think she sings it for someone who has died. Someone who cannot clarify their existence anymore, someone who cant see whats real and whats not, someone whose love is the strongest part in the soul.