Chris Parnell: We're sitting here today with film star Natalie Portman

Natalie Portman: Hello

Parnell: So, Natalie, what's the day in life of Natalie Portman like?

Portman: Do you really want to know?

Parnell: Please, tell us

I don't sleep motherfucker
Off that yak and that bourbon
Doin' 120, gettin' head while I'm swervin'

Seth Meyers: Damn Natalie, you a crazy chick

Yo shut the fuck up and suck my dick
I bust in dudes' mouths like Gushers motherfucker
Roll up on NBC and smack the shit out Jeff Zucker

Guys: What you want Natalie?

Portman: To drink and fight!

Guys: What you need Natalie?

Portman: To fuck all night!

Don't test me when I'm crazy off that airplane glue
Put my foot down your throat
'Til you shit in my shoe
Leave you screaming
Pay for my dry cleaning
Fuck your man
It's my name that he's screamin'

Parnell: I'm sorry Natalie, but are we to believe you condone driving while intoxicated?

Portman: I never said I was a role model

Parnell: What about the kids who look up to you? Do you have a message for them?

All the kids lookin' up to me can suck my dick
It's Portman motherfucker
Drink 'til I'm sick
Slit your throat
And poor nitrous down the hole
Watch you laugh and cry
While I laugh you die
And all the dudes
You know I'm talkin' to you

Guys: We love you Natalie!

I wanna fuck you too!
P is for Portman
P is for pussy
I'll kill your fuckin' dog for fun so don't push me

Parnell: Well, Natalie I'm surprised, all this from a Harvard graduate

Portman: Well, there's a lot you may not know about me

Parnell: Really? Such as?

When I was in Harvard
I smoked weed every day
I cheated every test
And snorted all the yay
I got a def posse
And you gotta buncha dudes
I sit right down on your face and take a shit

Andy Samberg: Natalie you are a bad ass bitch (hell yeah)
And I always pay for your dry cleanin'
When my shit gets in your shoe
As for the drug use
Well I can vouch for that
My dick is scared of you

Parnell: Okie-dokie, Natalie, one final question: if you could steal a smooch from any guy in Hollywood, who would it -

[Portman breaks chair over Parnell's head]

Portman: No more questions


Lyrics submitted by surra_lee, edited by Mellow_Harsher

A Day In The Life Of Natalie Portman song meanings
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  • 0
    General CommentIt's not "and all the Jews".
    It's "and all the dudes".

    Man, I fuckin' love this.
    Made me cry laughin' the first time I saw it.
    soyamanaorion May 02, 2007   Link
  • 0
    General Commentwierd typo surralee, yes this song is a staple in my life when I blast it windows open rollin' down the street with homies.
    DauAlSeton October 11, 2007   Link

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