Josh: So can we talk now then or what?

Dan: Yeah. Now we can talk

(Everybody lets out some breath)

Tom: So what was that all about then eh?

Dan: Well listen right, we had to record about 10 minutes of silence on the end of that song so we can have a hidden track.

3Hats: Y’wot?

Dan: No listen all the cool rockstars have ‘em, erm... The Beatles, Placebo, Megadeath...

Ethel: So what’s actually gonna happen then.

Dan: Well we’ve just gotta sit here for ten minutes...

Josh: Which we already have....

Dan: Which we already have, and then we can like record another song onto the end of the album.

Tom: Yeah, but what’s the point?

Dan: The point is that people won’t notice it unless they switch off the CD

3Hats: But then nobody’s gonna hear it

Dan: Exactly

3Hats: What?

Ethel: What’s the point of recording a song no-one’s going to listen to?

Dan: Because it’ll be like cryptic and our fans’ll be surprised if they forget to turn the record off.

Josh: But we have’nt got any fans!

Dan: What about that guy who turned up to our gig.. err... Keenan?

Josh: He was put in the mental home remember?

Dan: Yeah well if he ever get’s out...

3Hats: Which he’s not gonna do...

Tom: Coz they gave him life.

Dan: Well if he escapes and tracks down a copy of the record

Tom: and forgets to turn it off at the end...

Dan: Yeah, then he’ll hear the hidden track.
Ethel: So what are we gonna play for this hidden track anyway?

Dan: Well we can just improvise like Nirvana did on their one.

Tom: Look Keenan’s not gonna want to listen to us playing a load of shit is he?

Ethel: What’s the point of recording a fucking track for him if we haven’t got anything ready to play for it?

Dan: People will try and find deep hidden meaningful messages in it about our next album.

Josh: Well what hidden messages have you got?

Dan: Well I just thought something along the lines of “Visually Impaired Placenta will be releasing another album within a year or two”

3Hats: Yeah but you’re doing it for someone who’s been in a mental home for at least three years, they’re not really gonna want to try and find hidden messages in a wall of sound are they?

Tom: We could’ve just left the recorder goin’ and gone out for a fucking lager instead of sitting here in silence for ten minutes

Ethel: Look, Dan why don’t you just record the thing you were gonna say and then that can be the hidden track.

Dan: Because it’s not very cryptic then is it. I might as well walk around Oxford street with a big sign saying the message.

Ethel: Yeah but we don’t want it to be cryptic because then our fan won’t get it.

Josh: You know you’re always supposed to submit to peer pressure Dan.

Dan: Fine, fine alright. Are we recording?

Tom: Yep
(Brief pause)

Dan: Hello. Thank you for listening to our album...

Ethel: What do you mean thank you?

Dan: Well they did give us some money for the album.

Josh: I doubt it. Nobody’s gonna buy it except Keenan and you know he’s just going to download it illegally off the net.

Dan: Well how about I make it a more universal
message then. Just in case anyone else buys it.

Tom: Just do it

Dan: Hello. Thank you for buying this album. Unless you’re Keenan in which case you’re a complete cock and we all hope you fucking die. I just thought I’d leave a little hidden message for our most dilligent fans. The message is as follows: There will be another album by Visually Impaired Placenta within the next year or so...

Josh: You can’t say that

Dan: Why not?

Josh: Well because you don’t know if it’s true do you? We might change name or the album might take longer than that to record

Tom: That fucking Meatloaf guys new album took thirty years to record

Dan: Alright then, how about this: Thank’s for buying this album apart from Keenan who’s a fucking prick. Here’s a message: The band that are currently called “Visually Impaired Placenta” will release another album in the future.

3Hats: Ah but you can’t guarantee that because we might split up in the future.

Ethel: We practically already have, we’ve lost thirteen members just recording this sodding album.

Dan: Alright then how about this: Keenan you’re a bastard. The people that are currently in the band that is currently called “Visually Impaired Placenta” possibly with collaborators or new band members although we can’t be sure of that at this current stage, may at some point in the future, most likely within the next thirty years although we have not got a definite deadline, release another album.

3Hats: What if our next release is an EP?

Dan: (Erratic) An EP? A fucking EP?! Alright then here’s the bloody message: Keenan eat shit and die motherfucker. The current line-up of this band which is called “Visually Impaired Placenta” at the moment, may at some future point, and possibly collaborating with other people, release some more material of a musical nature.

(Pause)

Tom: Yeah that should do

3Hats: It’s not a very good end to an album though. The last track’s supposed to be a completely different genre or a really long song.

Josh: Well this is a really long song. We’ve been sitting here recording silence for ten minutes and now Dan’s done his bit it’s even longer.

3Hats: Oh well, it’s over now anyway thank Christ. Let’s go and have a brew I’m famished.


Lyrics submitted by Wallamanage

Hidden Track song meanings
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    General CommentThis song is the tits. Although technically it's a sketch it's still hilarious. They probably did just happen to record this conversation when trying to make a hidden track. All hail V.I.P. masters of music and now also comedy.
    Wallamanageon December 19, 2006   Link

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