ROD:
Ahhhh, an afternoon alone with my favorite book: "Broadway Musicals of the 1940's". No roommate to bother me. How could it get any better than this?

NICKY:
Oh, hi Rod!

ROD:
Hi, Nicky.

NICKY:
Uh, hey Rod, you'll never guess what happened to me on the subway this morning. This guy was smilin' at me, and talkin' to me...

ROD:
mmm, that's very interesting.

NICKY:
...mmmhmm, he was being real friendly. And, I think he was coming on to me. I think he might have thought I was gay.

ROD:
Ahem...So, uh, why you tellin' me this? Why should I care? I don't care? What did you have for lunch today?

NICKY:
Well, you don't have to get all defensive, Rod...

ROD:
I'M NOT GETTING DEFENSIVE! Why do I care about some gay guy you met, okay? I am trying to read.

NICKY:
Well, I didn't mean anything by it, Rod. I just think it's something we should be able to talk about.

ROD:
Well, I do not want to talk about it, Nicky. This conversation is over.

NICKY:
Yeah, but Rod...

ROD:
OVER!

NICKY:
Well, okay. But just so you know...

If you were gay
that'd be okay
I mean 'cause hey
I'd like you anyway

ROD:
Argh.

NICKY:
Because you see
if it were me
I would feel free to say
That I was gay
...but I'm not gay.

ROD:
Nicky, please, I am trying to read....What?!?

NICKY:
If you were queer

ROD:
Oh, Nicky.

NICKY:
I'd still be here

ROD:
Nicky, I am trying to read this book.

NICKY:
Year after year

ROD:
Nicky!

NICKY:
Because you're dear to me

ROD:
Argh!

NICKY:
And I know that you

ROD:
What?

NICKY:
Would accept me, too

ROD:
I would?

NICKY:
If I told you today,
"Hey, guess what, I'm gay".
...but I'm not gay.

I'm happy just being with you

ROD:
High Button Shoes, Pay Joey...

NICKY:
So what should it matter to me
What you do in bed with guys?

ROD:
Nicky, that is gross!

NICKY:
No, it's not
If you were gay

ROD:
Argh.

NICKY:
I'd shout horray!

ROD:
I am not listening.

NICKY:
And here I'd stay

ROD:
LA LA LA LA LA!

NICKY:
But I wouldn't get in your way

ROD:
AAAAH!

NICKY:
You can count on me
To always be
Beside you everyday
To tell you it's okay
You we're just born that way
And as they, it's in your DNA
You're gay.

ROD:
I AM NOT GAY!!!

NICKY:
If you were gay.

ROD:
ARGH!



Lyrics submitted by rav4guy

If You Were Gay song meanings
Add your thoughts

5 Comments

sort form View by:
  • +1
    General CommentSEXY! Rod loves Nicky...it's so cute.
    PrincessLyron November 04, 2007   Link
  • 0
    General CommentI love this song. It makes me laugh everytime I hear it.
    HaunLangon August 16, 2007   Link
  • 0
    General CommentI love this song, its funny,
    it can make fun of being gay in a good way
    thecycleon December 16, 2007   Link
  • 0
    General CommentI saw this song as the frustration people have to deal with when people assume they are something (gay) they are not

    as I found out later Rod is gay
    but that's neither her nor there

    this song is about acceptance
    and that some people are not christian either
    Matt Holckon July 09, 2009   Link
  • 0
    General Commentthis song makes my life perfect.
    JimmyFuckeron July 22, 2010   Link

Add your thoughts

Log in now to tell us what you think this song means.

Don’t have an account? Create an account with SongMeanings to post comments, submit lyrics, and more. It’s super easy, we promise!

Back to top
explain