Do me a favor, would you please
hang up the receiver on me
before I, before I talk my vocabulary dry.
Do me a favor, would you, my Doe
Don't come over later, don't spend three days in a row
I know my pre-calculated charm will soon run low.
Cold colas to coexist
hold sodas in both her fists
I...I'd hoped for a different you.
there's comfort in the clamor of cafes
solace from the abyss of days
I...I'd hoped for a different you.
still I trace your gaze
but that's stalker praise, and I lack the turn of phrase
Every morning through Ma's twin rose trellises
grammar, middle, and Lake High
barber college, through Ma's twin rose trellises
I'd planned to pick for you a rose; my hell, this is
a plan's as close as I'll ever get; my hell, this is
I haven't yet, I haven't yet...
Do me a favor, be rational
save me the labor of the breakup call
just assume the worst
when the phone don't ring, dismiss me to the hearse


Lyrics submitted by BruisedxVioletx

The Barber's Unhappiness song meanings
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10 Comments

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  • +1
    General Commentmy favorite lines are:

    "there's comfort in the clamor of cafes
    solace from the abyss of days"

    that line is so soothing to me, because i know exactly how that feels. when you just feel so alone and detached from the world, especially when it's the result of a failing relationship which is emminent in this song, keeping yourself surrounded by people, including in just general public places, can calm you and give you a sense of comfort.

    this has to be the most well-written song that shawn has done to date. it completely exceeds the level of the rest of this album, which is already amazing.
    mfzbmofoon January 02, 2007   Link
  • 0
    General Commentgood song to end the album with...as the meaning goes..hmm...a guy and a girl and it isn't working out between them...that's all i've got so far but it's really good...the lyrics are genius and it gave me goosebumps when i really listened to it...
    "I'd hoped for a different you."-i think the guy expected his girl to be different, and many ppl prolly feel that way about who they're dating
    "Do me a favor, be rational,save me the labor of the breakup call,just assume the worst,when the phone don't ring, dismiss me to the hearse"-LOVE THIS LINE!
    pianogirlon December 10, 2006   Link
  • 0
    General CommentThis song reminds me of my last relationship. Neither of us represented ourselves correctly and had a horrible relationship because we didn't get to know each other at all. Generally, in the beginning, people aren't completely themselves, but sometimes it's much worse and the person is the exact opposite of what you thought they were.

    The lines that struck me most were:

    "Don't come over later, don't spend three days in a row
    I know my pre-calculated charm will soon run low. "

    and

    "I'd hoped for a different you."
    jessayon December 16, 2006   Link
  • 0
    General CommentThis song is amazing.
    It might be one of my favourites on the album.
    I agree with pianogirl that it's about the guy expecting the girl to be different.
    And about the whole Barber thing,
    It's based on a short story .. I just can't remember which one because I can't find Decomposer.
    saltyeyeson January 05, 2007   Link
  • 0
    General Commentriverheadbooks.com/static/cs/us/602/…

    The short story that this song was inspired by was by George Saunders, and that link is Tony Danza reading the story.
    I could point out all the connections between the story and the song, but I think it'd be easier to just listen to the story, since it's really funny.
    makeshifton February 04, 2007   Link
  • 0
    General CommentIs it just me, or are the words in these lyrics completely arranged wrong and really weird...?
    hanstangerineon August 21, 2007   Link
  • 0
    General CommentYou kinda got the lyrics all mixed up its like this:

    Do me a favor, would you please
    Hang up the receiver on me
    Before i, before i talk my vocabulary dry.

    Cold colas to coexist
    Hold sodas in both her fists
    I...i'd hoped for a different you
    There's comfort in the clamor of cafes
    Solace from the abyss of days
    I...i'd hoped for a different you
    Still i trace your gaze
    But that's stalker praise, and i lack the turn of phase.

    Do me a favor, would you, my Doe
    Don't come over later, don't spend two days in a row
    I know my pre-calcutated charm will soon run low.

    Cold colas to coexist
    Hold sodas in both her fists
    I...i'd hoped for a different you
    There's comfort in the clamor cafes
    Solace form the abyss of days
    I...i'd hoped for a different you
    Still i trace your gaze
    But that's stalkers praise, and i lack the turn of phrase.

    Every morning through Ma's twin rose trellises
    Grammar, middle lake high
    Barber's college, through Ma's twin rose trellises
    I'd planned to pick a rose, my hell, this is
    A plan's as close as ill ever get, my hell, this is
    I havent yet, i havent yet.

    Cold colas coexist
    Hold sodas in both her fists
    I...i'd hoped for a different you
    There's comfort in the clamor of cafes
    Solace from the abyss of days
    I...i'd hoped for a different you
    Still i trace your gaze
    But that's stalker praise, and i lack the turn of phrase.

    Do me a favor, be rational
    Save me the labor of the breakup call
    Just assume the worst
    When the phone dont ring dismiss me to the hearse.

    It took me a while to get all the words right but i got it!
    Shiney!on January 15, 2008   Link
  • 0
    General CommentAgree with mfzbmofo- the best song shawn has written to date.
    "I'd planned to pick a rose, my hell, this is
    A plan's as close as ill ever get, my hell, this is
    I havent yet, i havent yet."
    The best part of any Matches song EVER!
    crayola_colourson May 03, 2008   Link
  • 0
    General CommentThis song is based on the short story by George Saunders "The Barber's Unhappiness". Its about this old-ish barber who still lives with his "Ma" and often stares at younger girls and like makes up scenarios with these women ("i trace your gaze, but that's stalker's praise") in his head but never approaches them because they'll just think he's a creepy old man, hence the line "a plan's as close as i'll ever get".

    and at one point in the story, this girl in his driving class (weird, that an old man would be taking a driving class? but he was.) so when the girl catches him staring at her she actually smiles back and he thinks "what? they never smile back =D". but he doesn't approach her, he goes and sits in his car, and she goes back inside. then she comes back out with two coca colas (the line "cold colas to coexist, hold sodas in both her fists"), but he avoids her.

    I read part of it. but it was only a like 10 page preview. Does anyone know where I can find the full story online?
    ludoloveon June 16, 2009   Link
  • -1
    General CommentThis song is about meeting a girl on the internet. She's younger then she said because she has 'cold sodas' meaning she can't have alcohol. They talk on the phone, but it's all fake because it's 'pre-calculated charm'. Once he meets her, he doesn't want to deal with this girl, it was all just a plan that didn't work out, like picking the rose. The relationship isn't going to work out, and he doesn't want to have to call her and break her heart. If he did that, he would have to explain about his fake-ness.

    Kinda reminds me of something that happened to myslef.
    zbuton December 31, 2006   Link

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