Every night
You wrote another line
With a bloody, broken, bottle
And every day
You wish it away
Why don't you pull the pin
On that grenade
You cuddle

I wanted to believe
Bodies swinging from trees
Struggling to stand
With your head in your hands
A stoic last stand
Of a dying man

I wanted to believe
As I watched your world
Crumble in your hands
I wanted to believe
As you raised your glass
To your last stand
And I wanted to believe
You would win
The war in your head
That I did not understand
That I did not understand

Every night
The questions poured out
Of your wounded eyes
Damn dark things
Every day
You used to pray
Listen to the black raven sing
You wanted to believe
As you were falling to your knees
Struggling to stand
With your life in your hand
The sad last stand
Of a broken man

I wanted to believe
As I watched your world
Crumble in your hands
I wanted to believe
As you raised your glass
To your last stand
And I wanted to believe
You would win
The war in your head
That I did not understand
That I did not understand

I wanted to believe
As I watch your world
Crumble in your hands
I wanted to believe
As you raised your glass
To your last stand
And I wanted to believe
You would win
The war in your head
That I did not understand
That I did not understand

And the questions pour out
And the questions pour out
I did not understand
I did not understand
I did not understand
I did not understand
The sound of you falling
I did not understand
As the trembling heart of a man
Did not understand
The sound of a trembling heart



Lyrics submitted by Nonny

Suicide Note song meanings
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4 Comments

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  • +1
    General CommentI can't believe no one's commented. It's probably the sadest song ever written. Just reading the lyrics stirs up thoughts and feelings probably not in my best interest.
    feelgoodinc7on May 10, 2007   Link
  • +1
    General CommentThis song is heartbreaking. The speaker in the lyrics is guilt-ridden. She has watched this man suffer through depression, but did not stop him. In the end, after his suicide, her questions are left unanswered.
    givemegraceon May 14, 2007   Link
  • +1
    My InterpretationThis song rips my heart out. I agree with 'givemegrace' and 'feelgoodinc7' She's consumed with guilt following his death from suicide but it does stir up emotions that aren't good for you. Wonderful interpretations.

    If you don't mind i'd like to interpret the song as a whole because this is a personal song for me because i lost my mother to depression. She didn't actually die from depression but she might as well have, She stopped eating properly, became ill because her immune system was failing, Had a heart attack and died within a few days. I know this isn't a grief forum and sorry for being so morbid but this helps me to interpret the song better.

    Anyway i had these exact feelings after her death, Going back over everything, Wondering if i could have done anything better or been anyone better for her. With depression it's not just damaging for the one suffering from it. It's damaging to the people watching it happen because you can't do anything. You feel so helpless and frustrated and angry and sad and god, Every emotion available and you start to hate the world and god and even the person sometimes and thats where the guilt comes from after they are gone.Parents are great and amazing and you'd be lost without them but sometimes they can really mess you up and it's not even their fault.

    Anyway, yeah this song reminds me of my own experiences except my mother didn't self harm or drink or commit suicide, She just gave up on life which to me is worse because at least with self harm and drink there's something to work with because at least they care enough to pick up the knife or bottle but how do you reason with someone who doesn't care at all? The answer is you don't. You just watch them fade away before your eyes and then when they die you don't even grieve. You did that already when they were still alive, And then you hate yourself because you didn't. A vicious circle.

    'Every night
    You wrote another line
    With a bloody, broken, bottle
    And every day
    You wish it away
    Why don't you pull the pin
    On that grenade
    You cuddle'

    I think this person is clearly self harming and she knows and she's angry and frustrated and she's thinking why don't you just finish it. She doesn't actually want this, She's in pain watching him destroy himself and it's taking it's toll on her. It's mentally and emotionally exhausting. The wishing it away line i think means that he hides his wounds from her like brushing it under the carpet.

    'I wanted to believe
    Bodies swinging from trees
    Struggling to stand
    With your head in your hands
    A stoic last stand
    Of a dying man'

    i Interpret this to mean that her world is destructing around her because of this person and maybe he's drinking to numb the pain and actually struggling to stand but i don't know, i think that she is looking back and imagining this is what he might have been doing because 'stoic' to me feels like he wasn't letting her in so the only coping mechanism for her was to imagine his true suffering.

    I wanted to believe
    As I watched your world
    Crumble in your hands
    I wanted to believe
    As you raised your glass
    To your last stand
    And I wanted to believe
    You would win
    The war in your head
    That I did not understand
    That I did not understand

    See, the 'I wanted to believe' part seems to me that she is imagining certain scenarios to try to identify with him. He's self destructing quietly and she's watching it happen. 'raising your glass to your last stand' to me is like a cynical phrase like 'to this shit life'. She's praying he wins this war he's fighting and looking back she's hurting because she didn't understand his suffering.

    'Every night
    The questions poured out
    Of your wounded eyes
    Damn dark things
    Every day
    You used to pray
    Listen to the black raven sing
    You wanted to believe
    As you were falling to your knees
    Struggling to stand
    With your life in your hand
    The sad last stand
    Of a broken man'

    I think she's watching his pain and trying to comprehend it. She's imaging that he was silently pleading with her to help him.

    'And the questions pour out
    And the questions pour out
    I did not understand
    I did not understand
    I did not understand
    I did not understand
    The sound of you falling
    I did not understand
    As the trembling heart of a man
    Did not understand
    The sound of a trembling heart'

    Now she's consumed with guilt trying to make sense of it all. The repeated 'i wanted to believe' lyrics scream self loathing for herself and 'trembling heart' to me screams that the heart of this man was crying out for help or she wished it was.

    I'm sorry if i depressed anybody beyond reason with these comments, thank you for reading xxxxxxxxx
    rochey1on August 29, 2009   Link
  • 0
    General CommentJohnette's voice is really powerhouse on her new album, it's really amazing, kinda channels a little 70s and modern rock. The downside being the lyrics are all general dark stuff, but it's very well done.
    translucentblueon June 10, 2007   Link

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