No, the doctors didn't tell you that you were dying
They just collected their money and sent you on your way
But you knew all along, went on pretending nothing was wrong
You said I will keep my focus until the end

And in the journal you kept by the side of your bed
You wrote nightly an aspiration of developing as an author
Confessing childhood secrets of dressing up in women's clothes
Compulsions you never knew the reasons to

Will everyone you ever meet or love
Be just a relationship based on a false presumption?
Despite everyone you ever meet or ever love
In the end, will you be all alone?

As the disease spread slowly through your body
Pumped by your heart to the tips of your arms and your legs
Your greatest fear was that your mind wouldn't last
The coherency and alertness would be the first things to fade

As your hair thinned, as the weight fell off
As your teeth blackened, as the lesions spotted your skin
As you fell to your knees in the center of the stage
As you offered witness to mortality in exchange for the ticket price
As the lights blended into the continuing noise
As all hope was finally lost
Adrenaline carried one last thought to fruition:

Let this be the end
Let this be the last song
Let this be the end
Let all be forgiven


Lyrics submitted by LeaderoftheBandits

Searching for a Former Clarity song meanings
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  • +4
    My InterpretationDefinitely the feelings of a person trying to emerge through society's gender mandates, and fearing that everything and everyone they know will reject them for being who they are.

    Sadly, Laura's situation is definitely the uncommon reaction - she has been lucky to only lose one significant person, her father (thus her change of last name to her mother's maiden name). Too many of us lose everyone, and not always in a quick manner. So many friends proclaim their acceptance, and come to find that, hey, maybe they're not quite as liberal as they thought, and they have a hard time dealing with that divide in reality. So they slowly cut you loose so they can go back to feeling good about how societally forward they are.
    ncc74656mon July 11, 2012   Link
  • +4
    General CommentWhat makes no fucking sense about this song is:

    The comments of Internet people and journalists alike who discuss Laura and her transition and say ridiculous things such as, "He is a woman now!" No. SHE is a woman. Laura Jane Grace, the woman who wrote this song, is a woman and I don't know why anyone would refer to her in any other way.
    Emjay41on July 06, 2013   Link
  • +3
    General CommentI think that the disease is definitely a metaphor for dysphoria more than than anything else.

    "As the disease spread slowly through your body
    Pumped by your heart to the tips of your arms and your legs
    Your greatest fear was that your mind wouldn't last
    The coherency and alertness would be the first things to fade"

    This perfectly describes my experience with dysphoria. In the worst throes of it, the single scariest thing about it is how little control you have over it. You can't shut it off, you can't stop it, and you fear that you're losing your mind to this...thing. And it just keeps coming back, slowly enveloping you more and more each time.
    Bindayenon May 15, 2012   Link
  • +2
    General CommentTo me this song really talks a lot about issues ive had with anxiety the last months of my life and fits in exactly like how I would write them.

    He talks about panic attacks in other songs and this one is just like that, the idea of losing control of your mind "as the disease spreads through your body"

    Also with panic usually comes a need to know if theres something wrong with you like "No, the doctors didn't tell you that you were dying"

    ":Your greatest fear was that your mind wouldn't last
    The coherency and alertness would be the first things to fade"

    thats a perfect description of the feeling of mental panic.

    and the last line is like how you just want to kill yourself when your in panic, its the worst feeling you can have. If you somehow could you would kill yourself.

    "As all hope was finally lost
    Adrenaline carried one last thought to fruition:"

    Adrenaline made him kill himself, he had some will.

    The last lines are the exact thoughts that run through peoples heads during mental panic and anxiety. I actually wrote once thoughts pretty much analog to his here. Its the worst feeling in the world.
    Tomdonon June 04, 2010   Link
  • +2
    General CommentThis song is about Tom's (ahem...Laura's) gender dysphoria. Dying by AIDS (as previously mentioned) is irrelevant. The "lethal disease" is just a device used for the true feelings of the singer to manifest themselves. The subject of the song is faced with his own mortality, and as such realizes that no one he loves or cares about has ever met the real "him" (which in this case is a "her"). Instead of embracing this knowledge and sharing it with his loved ones, he clams up and remains distant. Via a journal, he reveals controlled bursts of information as memoirs that carefully construct an image he wants people to remember him as (so as not to disappoint his loved ones, since he himself has not yet come to terms with who "he" is.) This is further outlined in the lines where he expresses anxiety over losing his mental faculties. He needs to be alert and focused to keep up the charade life he has chosen. Until he dies.

    It's interesting, because Laura only recently made her gender dysphoria public, so when this song was written, it is absolutely fascinating to see how cleverly she disguised her true feelings. She was very confused when she wrote this and obviously hadn't come to terms with herself yet or her feelings, but they were there all along!!! I figured you out, lead singer of Against Me!
    siflollyon May 09, 2012   Link
  • +1
    General CommentDid you guys ever think to associate this song with Pretty Girls (The Mover)... hmmm.....
    McMookyon June 02, 2007   Link
  • +1
    General CommentAlso the main idea of this whole struggle in a mental panic is to grasp a former sense of clarity quite literally, everything just stops making sense. Complete confusion
    Tomdonon June 04, 2010   Link
  • +1
    General CommentI think it's interesting how several of their older songs hinted at Laura being a girl, and no one ever really caught it, but now it's so obvious.
    greenday68on February 20, 2015   Link
  • 0
    General Commentsweet! first comment!

    i just heard this song for the first time just now, and i have to say that it is quite good. sad song. i need to buy the album now.
    Ted Bannanaon September 15, 2005   Link
  • 0
    General CommentA song worthy to title the album after.

    Good job on another great album.
    LysSylidoon September 15, 2005   Link

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