This is a hauntingly beautiful song about introspection, specifically about looking back at a relationship that started bad and ended so poorly, that the narrator wants to go back to the very beginning and tell himself to not even travel down that road. I believe that the relationship started poorly because of the lines:
"Take me back to the night we met:When the night was full of terrors: And your eyes were filled with tears: When you had not touched me yet"
So, the first night was not a great start, but the narrator pursued the relationship and eventually both overcame the rough start to fall in love with each other:
"I had all and then most of you"
Like many relationships that turn sour, it was not a quick decline, but a gradual one where the narrator and their partner fall out of love and gradually grow apart
"Some and now none of you"
Losing someone who was once everything in your world, who you could confide in, tell your secrets to, share all the most intimate parts of your life, to being strangers with that person is probably one of the most painful experiences a person can go through. So Painful, the narrator wants to go back in time and tell himself to not even pursue the relationship.
This was the perfect song for "13 Reasons Why"
Oh my God this hurts like hell
I had that dream again
Where I was lost for good in outer space
Tell my doctor how to shake
Awake a nightmare that is only worse
when I am sleeping
[Chorus]
Kill the messenger
I swear it's not me
It's just what I use to know
And get to church cause you're a good girl
And I never told you that
And all I need from you
Could be the thing that leaves us both up here forever
I'm gunna send a little rain, away
I'm gunna send a little rain
It's not so easy caving in
I walk by your apartment twice today
While you were gone at work
And all the colors got so dim
It's not as cold out here,
But come quick, I am losing feeling
[Chorus]
I'm gunna send a little rain,
To pour down on you
Rain, to make the flowers bloom (you know)
Rain, to leave you all alone,
But keep eye lashes fallin'
Eye lashes washed away
[Chorus]
I'm gunna send a little rain
I'm gunna send a little rain your way
I'm gunna send a little rain
Send a little rain
I had that dream again
Where I was lost for good in outer space
Tell my doctor how to shake
Awake a nightmare that is only worse
when I am sleeping
[Chorus]
Kill the messenger
I swear it's not me
It's just what I use to know
And get to church cause you're a good girl
And I never told you that
And all I need from you
Could be the thing that leaves us both up here forever
I'm gunna send a little rain, away
I'm gunna send a little rain
It's not so easy caving in
I walk by your apartment twice today
While you were gone at work
And all the colors got so dim
It's not as cold out here,
But come quick, I am losing feeling
[Chorus]
I'm gunna send a little rain,
To pour down on you
Rain, to make the flowers bloom (you know)
Rain, to leave you all alone,
But keep eye lashes fallin'
Eye lashes washed away
[Chorus]
I'm gunna send a little rain
I'm gunna send a little rain your way
I'm gunna send a little rain
Send a little rain
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I used to find this song, not to mention this entire album, so cryptic, but once I started to realize that the whole work is an ongoing story, everything started to fall into place. Let me give you my personal take.
A lot of the album is about the two gravitating back and forth between each other, and this song, as well as Rescued, in my opinion, is about trying to finally make a clean break (I'll tell you, I personally know how hard it can be to do that, even if it's for the best).
"I'm gonna send a little rain your way..." Sometimes, it seems like the only way to push away the one you love, the one that loves you, is with something like the overwhelming fury of a storm. Listen to the way he sings this particular line. The melody and delivery sounds about right for somebody reluctantly hurting the one he loves, even if he feels it must be done.
"Rain to pour down on you... Rain to make the flowers bloom... Rain to leave you all alone" A markedly different melody and delivery compared to the previous lyric. The piano line seems to sing with promise of renewal and growth. He feels sure that this is what must be done, that finally letting go is what's right. You can take the last line of this bit quite literally... he wants to be able to leave her alone. He wants to push her so far away that she can't come running back anymore. And at the same time, that will allow her flowers to bloom, allow her to move on with a new beginning. Read about the whole eyelash falling/making a wish thing, and that'll make sense, too (I had to look it up to get that line).
"Kill the messenger, I swear it's not me, it's just someone I used to know..." As he pushes her away, he's trying to distance himself from who he was, from who she loved, because he doesn't want her to have anyone to come running back to. Look up the lyrics to the John Wesley Harding song "Kill the Messenger". Andrew's lyrics make much more sense as a reference to that song. The messenger who bears bad news, though he is only a mere messenger, is to receive the blame, is to be killed for delivering the message. What's more, if you give the actual song a listen (try seeqpod.com), the chorus melody is almost exactly the same as the chorus in this song, and clearly inspired it. He is no longer who she loved; he is the messenger, and he wants to be dead to her.
"And all I need from you could be the thing that leaves us both up here/that leaves me locked up here forever..." That thing is the thing that banishes them, and him ("me" being the person she loved, as opposed to the empty shell of a messenger that he wants to project) to the confines of his thoughts, his mind ("up here"), forever. That thing is what would kill the messenger. He's ready to drop, and only needs for her to let go by delivering the final shove (think of "I'm Ready". Like I said, they've been gravitating back and forth for a while at this point in the story).
"It's not so easy caving in... etc." He's struggling to make himself numb. This idea seems to show itself all over the album. Although the colors are dim, although he's ironically warmer outside of her apartment than in it, it's only because he's emotionally suffocating himself.
As for the first verse in the song, it should be pretty straightforward in terms of what I've already said. It's extremely painful to do this to yourself. I feel I would know.
"And get to church 'cause you're a good girl, and I never told you that..." He wants her to believe in something better than he could ever give her. He wants her to have the faith that might make her happy. As an agnostic who only wishes he had the capacity for that sort of spiritual fulfillment, I can particularly empathize with this lyric.
Well, that's about the size of it. For once, I'm quite confident in my understanding of something Andrew McMahon has written. Tell me if you think I've got something here, and maybe I'll spill my beans for the rest of the album or something.
I love how you put this, the song is amazing, but your analysis sent me crying. So perfect.