This is a hauntingly beautiful song about introspection, specifically about looking back at a relationship that started bad and ended so poorly, that the narrator wants to go back to the very beginning and tell himself to not even travel down that road. I believe that the relationship started poorly because of the lines:
"Take me back to the night we met:When the night was full of terrors: And your eyes were filled with tears: When you had not touched me yet"
So, the first night was not a great start, but the narrator pursued the relationship and eventually both overcame the rough start to fall in love with each other:
"I had all and then most of you"
Like many relationships that turn sour, it was not a quick decline, but a gradual one where the narrator and their partner fall out of love and gradually grow apart
"Some and now none of you"
Losing someone who was once everything in your world, who you could confide in, tell your secrets to, share all the most intimate parts of your life, to being strangers with that person is probably one of the most painful experiences a person can go through. So Painful, the narrator wants to go back in time and tell himself to not even pursue the relationship.
This was the perfect song for "13 Reasons Why"
'Love, just don't stare'
He used to say to me
Every Sunday morning
The spider in the window
The angel in the pool
The old man takes the poison
Now the widow makes the rules
'So speak, I'm right here'
She used to say to me
Not a word, not a word
Judas on the ceiling
The devil in my bed
I guess Easter's never coming
So I'll just wait inside my head
Like a scream but sort of silent
Living out my nightmares
Voices repeating me
'Feeling threatened?
We reflect your hopes and fears.'
Voices discussing me
'Others steal your thoughts
They're not confined
Within your mind.'
Thought disorder
Dream control
Now they read my mind on the radio
But where was the Garden of Eden?
I feel elated
I feel depressed
Sex is death, Death is sex
Says it right here on my Crucifix
Like a scream but sort of silent
Living out my nightmares
Voices protecting me
'Good behavior
Brings the Savior
To his knees.'
Voices rejecting me
'Others steal your thoughts
They're not confined
To your own mind.'
"I don't want to be here, 'cause of my
Suffering, 'cause of my illness.
Only love is worth having, only
Love is what matters, loving every
People on equal terms. "
"You've got to know who you're
Dealin' with because, like a stranger,
A-heh, just might come in through
Here with a gun... and then, what
Would you do? (Heh.)"
"Everything is immaterial"
"'n' you know that reality is immaterial."
"This is not reality"
I'm kneeling on the floor
Staring at the wall
Like the spider in the window
I wish that I could speak
Is there fantasy in refuge?
God in politicians?
Should I turn on my religion?
These demons in my head tell me to
I'm lying here in bed
Swear my skin is inside out
Just another Sunday morning
Seen my diary on the newsstand
Seems we've lost the truth to quicksand
It's a shame no one is praying
'Cause these voices in my head
Keep saying
'Love, just don't stare.'
'Reveal the Word when you're
Supposed to'
Withdrawn and introverted
Infectiously perverted
'Being laughed at and confused
Keeps us pleasantly amused
Enough to stay.'
Maybe I'm just Cassandra fleeting
Twentieth century Icon bleeding
Willing to risk Salvation
To escape from isolation
I'm witness to redemption
Heard you speak but never listened
Can you rid me of my secrets?
Deliver us from Darkness?
Voices repeating me
'Feeling threatened?
We reflect your hopes and fears.'
Voices discussing me
Don't expect your own Messiah
This never world which you desire
Is only in your mind.
He used to say to me
Every Sunday morning
The spider in the window
The angel in the pool
The old man takes the poison
Now the widow makes the rules
'So speak, I'm right here'
She used to say to me
Not a word, not a word
Judas on the ceiling
The devil in my bed
I guess Easter's never coming
So I'll just wait inside my head
Like a scream but sort of silent
Living out my nightmares
Voices repeating me
'Feeling threatened?
We reflect your hopes and fears.'
Voices discussing me
'Others steal your thoughts
They're not confined
Within your mind.'
Thought disorder
Dream control
Now they read my mind on the radio
But where was the Garden of Eden?
I feel elated
I feel depressed
Sex is death, Death is sex
Says it right here on my Crucifix
Like a scream but sort of silent
Living out my nightmares
Voices protecting me
'Good behavior
Brings the Savior
To his knees.'
Voices rejecting me
'Others steal your thoughts
They're not confined
To your own mind.'
"I don't want to be here, 'cause of my
Suffering, 'cause of my illness.
Only love is worth having, only
Love is what matters, loving every
People on equal terms. "
"You've got to know who you're
Dealin' with because, like a stranger,
A-heh, just might come in through
Here with a gun... and then, what
Would you do? (Heh.)"
"Everything is immaterial"
"'n' you know that reality is immaterial."
"This is not reality"
I'm kneeling on the floor
Staring at the wall
Like the spider in the window
I wish that I could speak
Is there fantasy in refuge?
God in politicians?
Should I turn on my religion?
These demons in my head tell me to
I'm lying here in bed
Swear my skin is inside out
Just another Sunday morning
Seen my diary on the newsstand
Seems we've lost the truth to quicksand
It's a shame no one is praying
'Cause these voices in my head
Keep saying
'Love, just don't stare.'
'Reveal the Word when you're
Supposed to'
Withdrawn and introverted
Infectiously perverted
'Being laughed at and confused
Keeps us pleasantly amused
Enough to stay.'
Maybe I'm just Cassandra fleeting
Twentieth century Icon bleeding
Willing to risk Salvation
To escape from isolation
I'm witness to redemption
Heard you speak but never listened
Can you rid me of my secrets?
Deliver us from Darkness?
Voices repeating me
'Feeling threatened?
We reflect your hopes and fears.'
Voices discussing me
Don't expect your own Messiah
This never world which you desire
Is only in your mind.
Lyrics submitted by Thunderbolt, edited by boomgorilla
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