Forty Six & 2

[This song is about self improvement]

My shadow's Shedding skin and [he sees himself as frayed and in a state of loss] I've been picking Scabs again. [He knows he has been the cause of it- doing it to himself]

I'm down [he is deeply..] Digging through [searching his inner self] My old muscles [of his fundamental makeup (habits/interest/hates)] Looking for a clue. [of what is causing this]

I've been crawling on my belly [he has left nothing unexamined] Clearing out what could've been. [busily discarding haunting what-ifs] I've been wallowing in my own confused [everywhere he digs he finds ] And insecure delusions [the what-ifs and lies to self that are -------------------------------------------------------------[truly not needed]

For a piece to cross me over [he hopes for an easy fix] Or a word to guide me in. [or the guidance to fix himself] I wanna feel the changes coming down. [he truly wants to get better] I wanna know what I've been hiding in [and identify the hidden source of his -------------------------------------------------------------[problems]

My shadow. [he identifies his Shadow as the inner self- his ------------------------------------------------[core being, or Soul] Change is coming through my shadow. [he knows that to fix himself he must mend his Soul. My shadow's shedding skin [he sees that his soul is suffering] I've been picking My scabs again. [and that he was the cause of it all]

I've been crawling on my belly [he continues to examine himself, knowing Clearing out what could've been. [now what he has learned] I've been wallowing in my own chaotic And insecure delusions.

I wanna feel the change consume me, [he knows to truly change will devour all ----------------------------------------------------------[that he was- and get rid of it] Feel the outside turning in. [he wants his outer self to change along with ---------------------------------------------------[his inner self] I wanna feel the metamorphosis and [he wants the change all through him] Cleansing I've endured within [that he has started to repair in His -----------------------------------------------------------------Shadow]

My shadow Change is coming. [its working!] Now is my time.

Listen to my muscle memory. [in his new self construction, he looks -------------------------------------------------------------back with hindsight] Contemplate what I've been clinging to. [on his foolish beliefs/delusions] Forty-six and two ahead of me. [there were 46 cycles of refining the list ------------------------------------------------------------of what to keep, and 2 left to do]

I choose to live and to Grow, take and give and to Move, learn and love and to Cry, kill and die and to [This is self correction #45- the aspects he has chosen to hold onto] Be paranoid and to [There are 14 at this point] Lie, hate and fear and to Do what it takes to move through. [do it again (divide the list in half)]

I choose to live and to Lie, kill and give and to [This is correction #46- the refined list of what Die, learn and love and to [he chooses to retain in his core being. 7 left] Do what it takes to step through. [do it again (divide the list in half)]

See my shadow changing, [see how it works?] Stretching up and over me. [the Shadow is more whole than it has been] Soften this old armor. [his old defenses really arent needed anymore] Hoping I can clear the way [to finish he must FINISH]
By stepping through my shadow,[each pass through his shadow is another turn] Coming out the other side. [what emerges is the new self/list] Step into the shadow. [do it again-] Forty six and two are just ahead of me. [he has done it 46 times, and 2 more remain]

So, he has learned how to improve himself, and we are hearing if his process between the 46th and 47th repeat

He lists his previous "insecure delusions" of 14, and whittles it down to 7, keeping only those he wishes to. He must do it 2 more times, leaving him with 1.7 aspects (1 fully, another just mostly) he wishes to hold onto at the end- that which he holds MOST important in his being.

So its not anything bad, nor violent. Its just ruthless self examination and improvement, performed whenever he notices his shadow looking a little rough.