"I Wish I Was Queer So I Could Get Chicks" as written by and James M. Franks....
If your ass is a Chinese restaurant I'll have the poo-poo platter
My friend Jerry Vandergrift kissed me in Home Ec. class
Later in the afternoon some jarheads in the locker room kicked my ass
I said guys I'm like you I like Monster Trucks too

Want to see how many push-ups I can do?
I just wish I was queer so I could get chicks
Chicks dig guys that are
Queer guys that don't dig

Chicks that don't dig guys like me
See I'm not queer I'm too ugly
But if I were handsome just imagine how great it would be
Incognito as gay though but not actually that way though pseudo homo

Phony
Maybe it's a stupid theory or maybe just stupidity
But if I was a queerbee in the fashion industry
Scoring with a super model would be easy

'Cause 'super model' means voluptuous but is also is synonymous with
'Super dumb'
Ya see I'd be a good listener so she'd treat me like a sister and soon
I'd become

That trusted friend that cares that rubs her back and braids her hair
No it wouldn't be a week before I'm in her underwear
I wish I was queer so I could get chicks
Chicks dig guys that are

Queer guys that don't dig
Chicks that don't dig guys like me
See I'm not queer I'm too ugly
Doesn't matter what I'm packin' in my denim it's what's in my genes

The only smoked meat the only sausage I would eat is made by Jimmy
Dean
See I'm not to keen on the smell of Vaseline
No I'm not Princess Di and I don't want to be a queen

I wish I was queer so I could get chicks
Anyway if I were gay I'd have to change my name to Dirk or Lewis
Hang out with my mom's hair stylist his name is Kip he's got a lisp he
Talks like this

And wear my mother's lingerie learn the songs of Broadway
And appreciate Depeche Mode and avant garde ballet
I wish I was queer so I could get chicks
Chicks dig guys that are

Queer guys that don't dig
Chicks dig guys that are
Queer guys that don't dig
Chicks dig guys that are

Queer guys that don't dig
Chicks that don't dig guys like me
See I'm not queer I'm too ugly
And I don't shave my heiny

Don't shave my heiny
See I'm not queer I'm too ugly


Lyrics submitted by ojms

"I Wish I Was Queer So I Could Get Chicks" as written by James M. Franks

Lyrics © Universal Music Publishing Group

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I Wish I Was Queer So I Could Get Chicks song meanings
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16 Comments

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  • 0
    General Commentthis song is hilarious, and great. and i know what they r saying.. cuz gay boys r so cute. -rachel
    spiCheLon July 01, 2002   Link
  • 0
    General Commentfunny song, BHG is great
    MusicEqualsLifeon July 30, 2002   Link
  • 0
    General Commentgreat song, never have i heard so many stereotypes roled up into one song so nicely props to bhg :-D
    tubagrlon April 17, 2003   Link
  • 0
    General Commentgreat song, never have i heard so many stereotypes roled up into one song so nicely props to bhg :-D
    tubagrlon April 17, 2003   Link
  • 0
    General CommentOne of my favourite lines comes from this song:

    "Maybe it's a stupid theory or maybe just stupidity"
    Archfoeon May 06, 2003   Link
  • 0
    General CommentThe chorus is a play of Blur's "Boys and Girls"
    NaziRacist666on June 06, 2004   Link
  • 0
    General CommentI love the lines "hey guys I'm like you I like monster trucks too, wanna see how many push ups I can do?"

    hey how many of you are singing right now... I am! :X
    Angry Saron July 02, 2004   Link
  • 0
    General Comment"hey guys I'm like you I like monster trucks too, wanna see how many push ups I can do?"

    Heh, that's my favorite too.
    Theo Reoon September 29, 2004   Link
  • 0
    General CommentI love a line that hasn't been mentioned yet:
    "Cause 'super model' means voluptuous but is also is synonomous with 'super dumb'"

    Best song with the word 'synonymous' in it, natch.

    Also (even though it doesn't really fit with the rest of the song):
    "Doesn't matter what I'm packin' in my denim it's what's in my genes".
    IJGrieveon December 18, 2004   Link
  • 0
    General Comment'Don't shave my heiny' my favy, i know a guy who doesn't shave down there. -Kevin
    kmac247on March 01, 2005   Link

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