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Hello, today I'd like to have a word with you about a problem that many people, like yourselves, are probably un-aware of. I'm talking, of course, about Hamsters.

Hamsters, as every body knows, are cute, cuddly, fury little creatures which make ideal pets for children, as they take up very little space and are fairly quiet. What a delight they are to watch, as they scamper round and round their little wire wheels, exercising their tiny muscles, building them into huge, sprung-steel piledrivers, that will, one day, be weilded against their haples owners, who have lavished them with munchy bits of lettuce and oh-so-crunchy chunks of garden-fresh carrot.

You don't think for a moment, do you, that these BASTARDS are going to give all that kindness a seconds thought when their time comes. Oh-no! down will come that cute and cuddly fascade, and we'll finaly see the viscous BEASTS they REALLY ARE!

As they TERRORISE entire neibough-hoods with their ATOMIC BOMBS and HYPODERMIC NEEDLES! Thats RIGHT! I'm talking about DOPE! Thats the stuff thats sapped the strength of many a proud nation, thats forced ONCE GREAT EMPIRES to their KNEES! NO SIR!!! You don't stop that sort of TERROR with a MUNCHY BIT OF LETTUCE!

(This song is spoken, and a nice lil' punky/grungy tune is played in the background. The lyrics were flogged from a Monty Python calendar)

Lyrics submitted by the_legend_lives

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