"The 12 Pains of Christmas" as written by Dennis J Amero, Brian Silva and Bob Rivers....
The first thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me
Is finding a Christmas tree

The second thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me
Rigging up the lights
And finding a Christmas tree

The third thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me
Hangovers
Rigging up the lights
And finding a Christmas tree

The fourth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me
Sending Christmas cards
Hangovers
Rigging up the lights
And finding a Christmas tree

The fifth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me
Five months of bills
Sending Christmas cards
Hangovers
Rigging up the lights
And finding a Christmas tree

The sixth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me
Facing my in-laws
Five months of bills
"I hate those Christmas cards!"
Hangovers
Rigging up these lights
And finding a Christmas tree

The seventh thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me
Salvation Army
Facing my in-laws
Five months of bills
Sending Christmas cards
"Aw geez"
"I'm trying to rig up these lights!"
And finding a Christmas tree

The eighth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me
"I want ant farmer for Christmas"
"Charities, and what do you mean your inlaws?"
Five months of bills
"Ah, mailing out these cards!"
"Edith, get me a beer, huh!"
"What, we have no extension chord?!?"
And finding a Christmas tree

The ninth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me
Finding parking spaces
"Daddy, I want some candy!"
"Donations!"
Facing my in-laws
Five months of bills
"Writing up those Christmas cards"
Hangovers
"Now why the hell are they blinking?"
And finding a Christmas tree

The tenth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me
Batteries not included
No parking spaces
"Buy me something!"
"Get a job ya bum!"
Facing the inlaws
Five months of bills
"Yo ho, sending Christmas cards"
"Ah geez, look at this!"
"One light goes out, they all go out!"
And finding a Christmas tree

The eleventh thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me
Stale TV specials
Batteries not included
No parking spaces
"I gotta go to the bathroom"
Charities
"She's a witch, I hate her!"
Five months of bills
"Oh, I don't even know half these people!"
"Who's got the toilet paper?"
"Get a flashlight, I blew a fuse!"
And finding a Christmas tree

The twelfth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me
Singing Christmas Carols
Stale TV specials
Batteries not included
No parking
"Waaah!"
Charities
Gotta make 'em dinner
Five months of bills
"I'm not sending them, Mister, that's it!"
"Shut up, you!"
"Fine, you're so smart, you rig up the lights!"
And finding a Christmas tree


Lyrics submitted by Madame Me

"The Twelve Pains of Christmas" as written by Brian Silva Bob Rivers

Lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC

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The 12 Pains of Christmas song meanings
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3 Comments

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  • 0
    General CommentI love this song. its so funny. he has a lot of great songs on his twisted christmas cd
    jm4himon July 01, 2004   Link
  • 0
    General CommentI just heard this song, its so funny, my fav ones are probobly the lights and the christmas card ones, they are just so funny
    Olexon December 09, 2004   Link
  • 0
    General CommentThis song is HILARIOUS! My favorite parts were:

    THE SECOND PAIN: ANGRY MAN RIGGING UP LIGHTS
    "What we have no extension cords?!"
    "Now why the heck are they blinking?!"
    "One light goes out, they all go out!"
    "Turn on a flashlight, I blew a fuse!"
    "Fine, you're so smart! You rig up the lights!"

    THE EIGHTH PAIN: SELFISH KID
    "I want a Transformer for Christmas."
    "Daddy, I want some candy!"
    "Buy me something!"
    "Mom, I gotta go the bathroom!"
    "WAHH" (crying)
    WAYAlbuquerqueon January 01, 2006   Link

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