"A Lap Dance Is So Much Better When The Stripper Is Crying" as written by and James M. Franks....
I was lonelier than Kunta Kinte at a Merle Haggard concert that night I strolled on into Uncle Limpy's Hump Palace lookin' for love. It had been a

While. In fact, three hundred and sixty-five had come and went since that midnight run haulin' hog to Shakey Town on I-10. I had picked up this

Hitchhiker that was sweatin' gallons through a pair of Daisy Duke cut-offs and one of those Fruit Of The Loom tank-tops. Well, that night I lost myself

To ruby red lips, milky white skin and baby blue eyes. Name was Russell.



Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'

Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'

Well I find it's quite a thrill

When she grinds me against her will

Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'



Well, faster than you can say, "shallow grave", this pretty little thing come up to me and starts kneadin' my balls like hard-boiled eggs in a tube sock.

Said her name was Bambi and I said, "Well that's a coincidence darlin', ‘cause I was just thinkin' about skinnin' you like a deer." Well she smiled,

Had about as much teeth as a Jack-O-Lantern, and I went on to tell her how I would wear her face like a mask as I do my little kooky dance. And

Then she told me to shush. I guess she could sense my desperation. ‘Course, it's hard to hide a hard-on when you're dressed like Minnie Pearl.



Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'

Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'

Well I find it's quite a thrill

When she grinds me against her will

Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'



So, Bambi's goin' on about how she can make all my fantasies come true. So I says, "Even this one I have where Jesus Christ is jackhammering

Mickey Mouse in the doo-doo hole with a lawn dart as Garth Brooks gives birth to something resembling a cheddar cheese log with almonds on

Santa Claus's tummy-tum?" Well, ten beers, twenty minutes and thirty dollars later I'm parkin' the beef bus in tuna town if you know what I mean.

Got to nail her back at her trailer. Heh. That rhymes. I have to admit it was even more of a turn-on when I found out she was doin' me to buy baby

Formula.



Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'

Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'

Well I find it's quite a thrill

When she grinds me against her will

Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'



Day or so had passed when I popped the clutch, gave the tranny a spin and slid on into The Stinky Pinky Gulp N' Guzzle Big Rig Snooze-A-Stop.

There I was browsin' through the latest issue of "Throb", when I saw Bambi starin' at me from the back of a milk carton. Well, my heart just dropped.

So, I decided to do what any good Christian would. You can not imagine how difficult it is to hold a half gallon of moo juice and polish the

One-eyed gopher when your doin' seventy-five in an eighteen-wheeler. I never thought missing children could be so sexy. Did I say that out loud?



Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'

Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'

Well I find it's quite a thrill

When she grinds me against her will

Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin'


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"A Lap Dance Is So Much Better When the Stripper Is Crying" as written by James M. Franks

Lyrics © Universal Music Publishing Group

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A Lap Dance Is So Much Better When The Stripper Is Crying song meanings
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27 Comments

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  • +2
    General CommentI really think that this guy kidnaps strippers and kills them. "Faster than you can say shallow grave" really gives alot of subtle hints. And the fact that the girl is missing at the end of the song it sounds like he doesn't realize that he kills them. Maybe I'm just high.
    Jonnythecowboy601on August 07, 2009   Link
  • 0
    General Commentdisgusting, luv it
    o0omissyo0oon October 14, 2002   Link
  • 0
    General Commenti always blast this song in my car and drive by pedestrians with my window rolled down. i get strange looks. HAHAAH i like the part where he says "I went on to tell her how I would wear her face like a mask as I do my little kooky dance." the way he says it makes me laugh out loud every time.
    NicoleInWonderlandon March 05, 2003   Link
  • 0
    General Comment"I find it's quite a thrill, when she grinds me against her will"...Hahahahaha.
    Visceral Bleedingon April 25, 2003   Link
  • 0
    General Comment"‘Course, it's hard to hide a hard-on when you're dressed like Minnie Pearl."
    - Makes me smile :)
    element_Xon April 28, 2003   Link
  • 0
    General Comment"I never thought missing children could be so sexy."

    classic
    goto_www.bodmas.tkon June 28, 2003   Link
  • 0
    General CommentSo I says, "Even this one I have where Jesus Christ is jackhammering Mickey Mouse in the doo-doo hole with a lawn dart as Garth Brooks gives birth to something resembling a cheddar cheese log with almonds on Santa Claus's tummy-tum?"

    -This is the best line ever written. EVER.
    jc6mdon October 06, 2004   Link
  • 0
    General CommentI can't agree with jc more

    THE best line EVER!!!!
    ripthesystemon November 21, 2004   Link
  • 0
    General Commentyeah i agree n that jc and ripthesystem its the best ever closley followed by "You can not imagine how difficult it is to hold a half gallon of moo juice and polish the one-eyed gopher when your doin' seventy-five in an eighteen-wheeler."
    sgt.marvon January 13, 2005   Link
  • 0
    General Comment"I was lonelier than Kunta Kinte at a Merle Haggard concert"

    Haha.
    JAStewarton January 17, 2005   Link

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