"Every Sperm Is Sacred" as written by and David/jacquemin Howman....
There are Jews in the world.
There are Buddhists.
There are Hindus and Mormons, and then
There are those that follow Mohammed, but
I've never been one of them.

I'm a Roman Catholic,
And have been since before I was born,
And the one thing they say about Catholics is:
They'll take you as soon as you're warm.

You don't have to be a six-footer.
You don't have to have a great brain.
You don't have to have any clothes on. You're
A Catholic the moment Dad came,

Because

Every sperm is sacred.
Every sperm is great.
If a sperm is wasted,
God gets quite irate.

Every sperm is sacred.
Every sperm is great.
If a sperm is wasted,
God gets quite irate.

Let the heathen spill theirs
On the dusty ground.
God shall make them pay for
Each sperm that can't be found.

Every sperm is wanted.
Every sperm is good.
Every sperm is needed
In your neighborhood.

Hindu, Taoist, Mormon,
Spill theirs just anywhere,
But God loves those who treat their
Semen with more care.

Every sperm is sacred.
Every sperm is great.
If a sperm is wasted,...
CHILDREN:
...God get quite irate.

Every sperm is sacred.
BRIDE and GROOM:
Every sperm is good.
Every sperm is needed...
CARDINALS:
...In your neighbourhood!

Every sperm is useful.
Every sperm is fine.
God needs everybody's.
Mine!
And mine!
And mine!

Let the Pagan spill theirs
O'er mountain, hill, and plain.
HOLY STATUES:
God shall strike them down for
Each sperm that's spilt in vain.

Every sperm is sacred.
Every sperm is good.
Every sperm is needed
In your neighborhood.

Every sperm is sacred.
Every sperm is great.
If a sperm is wasted,
God gets quite iraaaaaate!


Lyrics submitted by Dundada77

"Every Sperm Is Sacred" as written by David Alan Howman Andre Jacquemin

Lyrics © Universal Music Publishing Group

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Every Sperm Is Sacred song meanings
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8 Comments

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  • +3
    General CommentDrop your panties Sir William! I cannot wait until lucchtime!
    loderunneron September 15, 2006   Link
  • +2
    General CommentI cannot believe no one has commented on this! One of the best songs ever from a musical comedy!
    nietzsche_66on July 28, 2005   Link
  • +1
    General CommentAgreed! My hovercraft is full of eels!
    macabre_meaganon May 09, 2006   Link
  • +1
    General CommentOkay- I'll make a comment. All the Python members thought that Brian was the best thing they ever did. Nonsense! Grail was, and this movie was a close second. This song ridicules the Catholics more than ANY song you can name- give me me 1 other song that does it? The Catholics did a lot of good and evil things, same as the Protestants. Thankfully , we don't have a lot of Christians car bombing people these days. Muslim extremists seem to love this kind of thing, unfortunately.

    This song is about the evils of masturbation. Pretty funny song, and incredible the way they made it into an Oliver Twist musical. I believe Terry Jones was the genius behind it, as opposed to Gilliam. I think if the Catholic Church had a reason to back their beliefs at this point, they might have. They had no leg to stand on, however. Catholic priests are not allowed to marry- therefore- how many sexual deviants that feel guilty become priests? The proof is in the pudding. Any Catholic out there give me some real research that the Protestant ministers (who are allowed to be married) abuse young boys anywhere nearly as much as the priests do. The fact is, Catholic Priests used to be able to be married. Once the Church decreed it not so, then they held title to the money and belongings of the priest. Since this point, many sexual predators entered the priesthood- many out of guilt- I would imagine. Once again, the proof is in the pudding. What's sad, is that it's commonplace for a priest to molest an altar boy. What even more sad is the way the Catholic Church has swept these crimes under the rug. I'm not a Catholic, but if I was , I'd be very indignant about the way that my church treated sexual offenderers preaching on the pulpit.
    loderunneron September 15, 2006   Link
  • +1
    General CommentMonty Phyton is love.
    YourEuphoriaon August 22, 2007   Link
  • +1
    General CommentMy girlfreidn gets annoyed by this song... she says sperm was designed to be wasted anyway (Yes, she's that biological. ANd yes, only one out of millions of sperm made each and every one of us).

    Reading loderunner's comment above, I reckon that one of the reasons the boys get abused is because the priests aren't allowed to marry and are supposed to not have sex until they marry, so they get it wherever they can in the vain hope that God will forgive their sins (or something similar).
    selbydate16on May 19, 2008   Link
  • +1
    General CommentOh my God, I LOVE HOW SATIRICAL THIS IS TO CATHOLICS.
    It's AMAZING.
    For those of you who can't see the satire, go to school.
    Tauroon October 17, 2009   Link
  • 0
    General CommentThis song was from long before the RC sex abuse scandal. Birth control, abortion, masturbation, gay sex, anything that won't produce oodles of little Catholics and keep women in their "proper" role as homemakers and child-rearers, they're against. (Still, I thought it was also hilarious how the CoE bloke explained to his wife that because he was a member of the Protestant Reformed Church of England (I think he may have used the word "papist" at some point in reference to Catholics), he could use a condom if he wanted to; the Catholics had to have a baby every time they had sexual intercourse. (His wife was confused: "We're the same. We have two children...." [guffaws from audience].)
    GwiberGwyrddon November 05, 2016   Link

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