Recent Journal Entries

  • flowers are toys bees are old boys

    by WeatheredChair on November 28, 2015

    I remember sitting on the deck. I watched my cat wander the yard, batting and swatting at timid insects draped in yellow and black. I think she spoke to them. 

    "I'm only playing" she would say, but the bees never were good sports (except one). They tried to dart past her, but she was simply too quick. A cat with prodigious reflexes. Who could have guessed? 

    One day a rather tough bee threatened to sting her.

    "Why?" my Ruby said. "You'll surely die, and i surely won't."

    "I'm not sure i care anymore" replied the bee, in a serious sort of tone. "At the very least I'll cause you great pain."

    "But you'll be dead, there is nothing noble in that!"

    "At least i won't have to deal with your bullshit" said the bee.

    That's when I saw my dearest cat wince. It never occurred to her how tortured the poor bee was. He'd forgotten that they were great friends once upon a time. He'd forgotten the enjoyment he used to feel for their little game. 

    "What would life be without challenges? Without obstacles and antagonists? Would it be worth living?" Ruby retorted. It was an honest sort of question.

    The bee never answered.

    She returned to the deck that day with a limp. A paw once used for batting was now swollen and tender. I asked her what happened but she was too sad to answer.

    That paw never really healed. The piece of who her friend used to be digs and festers, stinging with each step, until she can only remember the selfishness...

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  • Acoustics

    by luckybamboo on November 27, 2015

    When it gets really bad nobody even knows what to say to me anymore 

    I haven't spoken to my father in three months 

    Sometimes I just want to stop speaking and let the world go on 

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  • Turkey Beats Stuffing out of Russian Fighter-Jet at Border

    by NomadMonad on November 26, 2015

     Psalm 107 in the King James Version:

    O give thanks unto the Lord, for he is good: for his mercy endureth for ever.
    2 Let the redeemed of the Lord say so,
    whom he hath redeemed from the hand of the enemy;
    3 And gathered them out of the lands, from the east, and from the west,
    from the north, and from the south.
    4 They wandered in the wilderness in a solitary way;
    they found no city to dwell in.
    5 Hungry and thirsty, their soul fainted in them.
    6 Then they cried unto the Lord in their trouble,
    and he delivered them out of their distresses.
    7 And he led them forth by the right way, that they might go to a city of habitation.
    8 Oh that men would praise the Lord for his goodness,
    and for his wonderful works to the children of men!
    9 For he satisfieth the longing soul, and filleth the hungry soul with goodness.
    10 Such as sit in darkness and in the shadow of death, being bound in affliction and iron;
    11 Because they rebelled against the words of God,
    and contemned the counsel of the most High:
    12 Therefore he brought down their heart with labour;
    they fell down, and there was none to help.
    13 Then they cried unto the Lord in their trouble, and he saved them out of their distresses.
    14 He brought them out of darkness and the shadow of death,
    and brake their bands in sunder.
    15 Oh that men would praise the Lord for his goodness,
    and for his wonderful works to the children of men!
    16 For he hath broken the gates of brass, and cut the bars of iron in sunder.
    17 Fools because of their transgression, and because of their iniquities, are afflicted.
    18 Their soul abhorreth all manner of meat; and they draw near unto the gates of death.
    19 Then they cry unto the Lord in their trouble, and he saveth them out of their distresses.
    20 He sent his word, and healed them, and delivered them from their destructions.
    21 Oh that men would praise the Lord for his goodness,
    and for his wonderful works to the children of men!
    22 And let them sacrifice the sacrifices of thanksgiving,
    and declare his works with rejoicing…

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  • Oh Dear, I'm In Trouble Again

    by luckybamboo on November 23, 2015

    I give in to myself, I tell myself it's ok to want the things I never had 

    And then the next day I want to die,  because I don't know what's right anymore

    Or how to find out

    Or even why I want those things 

    Why someone calling me sweetheart makes me want to die in the best way possible 

    Like I never knew I could be that happy 

    If you've ever been so happy and embarrassed you had to cover your face then you know what I mean 

    Somehow I still end up 

    Waking up sad 

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  • the wolves

    by WeatheredChair on November 19, 2015

    She searches the forest for the meaning of it all, not sure of what she'll find. On each nook, each stump, she leaves behind a piece of herself, like they did in the books her mother read. "Check your watch!" her family yells from a cozy home. But she ignores them. Why? They are only trying to help. She's lost in time until the sun falls and the forest grows darker than its ever been. How could a place so familiar seem so foreign? She grew up here. she walked these woods, through and through, but it's different now in ways that can't be explained. Her pieces have gone the way of the wolves but she still searches. She wants to find home, but she's not sure how anymore. Her fear becomes anger and her anger gives way to something more dangerous. Apathy. The wolves will shred her, only because she doesn't care to remind them she is still their master. Unaware of how nearsighted she's being. Unaware of something simple she used to know. The sun will rise tomorrow and the forest will be familiar again.

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  • Degrees of B.S.

    by NomadMonad on November 18, 2015

    Bernie Sanders hatched a scheme
    to rant an old progressive theme.
    He left the greening mountain heights
    to bellow forth for Social Rights
    descending to our nation's valleys
    milking the faithful at his rallies.
    Mr. Sanders sold the farm,
    sounded socialist alarm;
    Trading professorial tweeds
    for bloviating human needs.
    He set the lefties all a-twitter
    bartering the sweet for bitter.
    He glared through academic glasses
    at the doubtful working classes
    wondering why they failed to note
    just why and how they ought to vote.
    Sanders patched up race-relations
    fixing holes with reparations,
    working up his magic wonder:
    horsey voice of righteous thunder
    till the clouds hung heavy and gray
    portent of a darker day...
    Warming up leftover Hope
    he spared no change for hangman's rope,
    sputtering on, he blew a gasket
    redistributing our basket
    scolding, bellowing, pumping fist
    and waving fingers from the wrist
    like politburo retro-chic
    a tousled old white-headed freak.

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  • Oh, this is suicide, but you can't see the ropes

    by LoudSilences on November 18, 2015

    I have these photos that my parents took before they got married. They're of Niagra Falls.

    Theres this one though, thats my favourite. Its of this dark tunnel. But at the end theres light, and the light is the opening of the tunnel where the waterfall is dropping down.

    I feel like that. Like even if theres a light in all of this, it will actually only be a steep drop to sudden death. I know that sounds morbid. I know how cliche I sound. Some depressed girl telling her troubles online anonymously. I know how its cliche to acknowledege being cliche. Whatever.

    I feel empty.

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  • What's So Important About Paper Mâché?

    by luckybamboo on November 16, 2015

    My eyes are too big to see through 

    And my life is too small to live 

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  • Is there anybody listening? Anyone at all? Cos I am too close to the edge and i am afraid I'll fall

    by LoudSilences on November 15, 2015

    Not too fast, too slow,

    Two steps and drown ,

    We got no fear

    Gotta take the danger

    Too fast, too slow

    Two steps and drown

    No fear, no fear, no fear

    No fear, no fear, no fear


    Save me from the ceiling

    Save me from myself

    Nevermind, just save yourself

    Keep your eyes on the prize

    And your ear to the street

    Or this game that you spit

    Will become obsolete


    Fuck the game, fuck the rules

    Most of all, fuck you It's just the way I feel

    The more I smile the less I bruise


    Don't stop and think about it In your heart no one will doubt it

    I can feel it breaking


    Hang me from the ceiling I got the feeling that it's my time to go

    If today was my last day here

    You're the last one that I'd wanna see


    Is there anybody listening, anyone at all

    'Cause I am too close to the edge

    And I am afraid I'll fall

    Not trying to be different

    'Cause we're all the same

    Please take what you need

    Doctor, help fix my brain

    Help fix my brain, help fix my brain


    Fuck the shame, fuck the truth

    Most of all, fuck you

    It's just the way I feel

    The more I smile the less I bruise


    Hang me from the ceiling I got the feeling that it's my time to go

    If today was my last day here

    You're the last one that I'd wanna see


    And it doesn't ever feel right

    No matter what it tastes like

    So I'll take every last one of these pills

    To kill what's inside of me

    You can keep your fun, fun memories

    Envision what I used to be

    Teenage teardrops on my pillow

    You reach for the stars but we end on the ceiling

    Hang me from the ceiling I got the feeling that it's my time to go

    If today was my last day here You're the last one that I'd wanna see

    -Teenage Teardrops, Heartsrevolution

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  • Please Look After This Bear

    by luckybamboo on November 11, 2015

    It's ok to want something, even if some people don't understand

    And it's ok to want the things you never got

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  • o captain my captain

    by WeatheredChair on November 09, 2015

    "Just be happy, it's not that hard." They never see the Captain working feverishly against the waves. tacking across a troubled sea more vast than anything you could ever imagine. Hell, I doubt even Alice could. Will he find land? Tune in next week! Tell you what though, i'll spare you the suspense, he doesn't. He finds calm in the storm and then he finds another storm, more ferocious and unkind. the sails slowly bled, thread by precious thread. Each storm takes whats due. But wait! Look above! Momentary excitement ensues as an albatross arrives in his waning minutes, like clockwork by organic design. Just before our heroic Captain is allowed to die he's left with a choice. (but not really) He kills it. a white silhouette and a crimson trickle find their home on the tattered deck, like so many birds before. With each new meal comes more bad luck. he's one step from the horse latitudes. Stagnation will take more than the storms ever could. But honestly, whats left to take? Despite all hes still got hope though! But it's that demented sort of hope, like when someone dies and you hope they can hear all the things you never told them. You see, the truth is he's not living, he's surviving. That poor Captain, all they ever see is his smile...

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  • I've felt this bad for so long I'm scared I'm fine

    by LoudSilences on November 06, 2015

    I wake up.

    I wish I hadn't.

    I get up.

    I take the pills.

    I go to school, or I stay at home.

    I do something to pass the time, or more often I don't.

    I take the pill.

    I go back to sleep.

    I repeat.


    I've lost hope in everything. Its not a matter of if anymore, its a matter of when. I really think I should start planning more seriously. Its hard to bear every day.

    Sat on the bathroom floor I knew this was it, I'd finally lost my mind.

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  • I want them back (I want them back), the minds we had (the minds we had)

    by LoudSilences on October 25, 2015

    I am a downward spiral kid

    All racing pulse and ragged breathing

    Head down and awkward walking

    A sadness inside that's never leaving

    Late nights and tiny blades

    With sliced skin and dripping blood

    Muffled crying into pillows

    I would change it if I could

    Don't fret

    Long sleeves do the trick

    I'm so good

    At hiding being sick

    I wake up

    And the darkness suffocates

    Thing is

    I don't want you to resuscitate

    A dark tunnel with no end

    Watch as I lose all my friends

    Its like a scream that is silent

    Heavy weights and inner violence

    I look in the mirror

    Hating what I see

    Always falling endlessly

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  • These Angels Have Let Me Down

    by luckybamboo on October 22, 2015

    I'm sweating at the hands of a psychiatrist, who prescribes me more and more 


    I keep thinking about the day my mother found me passed out on my bed

    She whispered "piccola, what'd you take?" When I knew she wanted to yell

    I know she thinks I did it on purpose

    But I just wanted it to be quiet for a while

    Now my brain is electric 

    And I still can't turn it off

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  • Though the pressure's hard to take, its the only way I can escape

    by LoudSilences on October 19, 2015

    I often wonder if this was always waiting to come for me, or if it could've been avoided. I don't know which is more depressing: the fact that I have no choice in this and that it was always there, or the fact that it was my fault, and something I did wrong.


    'All alone it was always there you see
    And even on my own
    It was always standing next to me
    I can see it coming from the edge of the room
    Creeping in the streetlight holding my hand in the pale gloom
    Can you see it coming now?

    Ah-ah, ah-ah I think I'm breaking down again
    Ah-ah, ah-ah I think I'm breaking down

    All alone even when I was a child
    I've always known there was something to be frightened of
    I can see it coming from the edge of the room
    Creeping in the streetlight holding my hand in the pale gloom
    Can you see it coming now?

    Ah-ah, ah-ah I think I'm breaking down again
    Ah-ah, ah-ah I think I'm breaking down

    All alone on the edge of sleep
    My old familiar friend
    Comes and lies down next to me
    And I can see it coming from the edge of the room
    Smiling in the streetlight even with my eyes shut tight
    I still see it coming now

    Ah-ah, ah-ah I think I'm breaking down again
    Ah-ah, ah-ah I think I'm breaking down again
    Ah-ah, ah-ah I think I'm breaking down again
    Ah-ah, ah-ah I think I'm breaking down'

    -Breaking Down, by Florence And The Machine

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  • good night

    by RosesAtSunset on October 16, 2015

    What a night tonight was

    drunk, alone, but still elated at the end of the night

    am I destined to be alone?

    i laugh to myself

    I've drifted on and on through this senseless reality

    trying so very hard to understand the rules set upon me by this world

    that I so casually inhabit 

    cherishing my fate but cursing my inadequacy to live up to the honour of the privileges set upon me

    im happy that I am a part of this world if only for this moment

    where I write in this same stupid journal I've written in since I was fucking 13

    i haven't changed all that much

    if anything you could say I've regressed 

    but I'm doing alright and the world is an okay place to live after all

    so I hope you're doing alright too

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  • I wash my face with soapy water, disguise the tears cos you're somebody's daughter

    by LoudSilences on October 12, 2015

    I'm struggling to just get through the day now.

    The weight of living is always dragging me down, and I'm overhelmingly sad.

    They're looking for an appropriate unit to admit me to. I know it won't help.

    Throughout the day I keep getting struck by the fact I'm gonna have to wake up and do this all again tomorrow, and its hard to take.

    Theres no nice way to say that any chance I get I'm checking out of this world.

    I can't do this anymore.

    2 Comments   Read more from LoudSilences
  • You Can't Stay Mad At A Setting Sun

    by luckybamboo on October 12, 2015

    You said I had the biggest eyes you'd ever seen

    and then when you decided to hurt me you said 

    "Don't give me that look"

    You told me once that I'm pretty when I cry

    I guess that was a lie too

    Did it hurt to hurt me? 

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  • hello world

    by brookeiguess on October 11, 2015

    hi well i don't if any one still uses this website but im here scrolling back and forth through nofx lyrics like the loser i am

    idk why i find their lyrics so interesting if most of them are about drugs and lesbians

    good enough i guess

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  • Cold, dark sea, wrapping its arms around me

    by LoudSilences on October 09, 2015

    Inside of her

    The biggest thing I know

    The blackest thing too

    A mouth that droops low

    Blades for fiingers

    Jagged shards of glass all over

    The smell of failure that lingers

    The pointlessness of everything fo eyes

    Suicide for a heart

    Fat for thighs

    She breathes in worthless

    Empty empty empty

    And breathes out darkness

    She can't see the sun anymore

    Yet still smiles and laughs

    She's adrift on an ocean with no shore

    Yet still gets out of bed

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