Recent Journal Entries

  • I wash my face with soapy water, disguise the tears cos you're somebody's daughter

    by LoudSilences on October 12, 2015

    I'm struggling to just get through the day now.

    The weight of living is always dragging me down, and I'm overhelmingly sad.

    They're looking for an appropriate unit to admit me to. I know it won't help.

    Throughout the day I keep getting struck by the fact I'm gonna have to wake up and do this all again tomorrow, and its hard to take.

    Theres no nice way to say that any chance I get I'm checking out of this world.

    I can't do this anymore.

    1 Comment   Read more from LoudSilences
  • You Can't Stay Mad At A Setting Sun

    by luckybamboo on October 12, 2015

    You said I had the biggest eyes you'd ever seen

    and then when you decided to hurt me you said 

    "Don't give me that look"

    You told me once that I'm pretty when I cry

    I guess that was a lie too

    Did it hurt to hurt me? 

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  • hello world

    by brookeiguess on October 11, 2015

    hi well i don't if any one still uses this website but im here scrolling back and forth through nofx lyrics like the loser i am

    idk why i find their lyrics so interesting if most of them are about drugs and lesbians

    good enough i guess

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  • Cold, dark sea, wrapping its arms around me

    by LoudSilences on October 09, 2015

    Inside of her

    The biggest thing I know

    The blackest thing too

    A mouth that droops low

    Blades for fiingers

    Jagged shards of glass all over

    The smell of failure that lingers

    The pointlessness of everything fo eyes

    Suicide for a heart

    Fat for thighs

    She breathes in worthless

    Empty empty empty

    And breathes out darkness

    She can't see the sun anymore

    Yet still smiles and laughs

    She's adrift on an ocean with no shore

    Yet still gets out of bed

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  • October 09, 2015

    by luckybamboo on October 09, 2015

    Sometimes I have this fantasy that I'm looking at the clouds when

     Suddenly I start floating up and then I'm in the clouds forever

    I think if heaven is real that's what it's like

    I say "if" because a lot of things I've thought were real ended up being the

    Apocrypha of everyday life 

    I believe in love but I dont think it stays forever

    I feel too small for this world

    You say I'm a waste of time

    But I say you just didn't have enough to spare

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  • two falls heal it all

    by artemisagrotera on October 08, 2015

    ...and then i remember that fall is the time to let things like this go.

    (two falls heal it all)

    1 Comment   Read more from artemisagrotera
  • As deep and as vast as the dirty British sea

    by LoudSilences on October 07, 2015

    They said I might have to go into hospital again in a month or so if things don't improve. I don't even care anymore.

    The night times are getting worse. That when the dark thing that lives and grows inside me is most active. It swells and rages like a massive stormy sea, and all I do is lay there and let it wash over me. Its all I can do.

    The psychiatrist said I have 'resistant depression'. I have no clue what that means, but then I don't have a clue about lots of things these days.

    I've been listening a lot to Breaking Down by Florence And The Machine. ts the most accurate song about depession that I know of.

    In Vincent Van Gogh's suicide note he wrote: 'the sadness will last forever' and I know now that he was right.

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  • Connecting Flight To Nowhere

    by luckybamboo on October 06, 2015

    Its a conundrum, how I got here. Like some series of descisions made for me by the only relevant force in the universe. Every little thing counts, the shirt I wore that day, the cd I bought, the first words I ever spoke. Theres a constant mantra in my head of " the next thing you do could change your life forever," so, I’m careful, it takes me an hour and a half to decide if I’m going to take a bath, 30 minutes to decide which book I’m going to read next. I spend hours pondering the "right" decisions. As if I could figure out the consequences of leaving the house an at 8:25 instead of 8:30. As if thinking about it weren’t a decision on its own.

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  • you have awakened the huntress

    by artemisagrotera on October 05, 2015

    i have progressed? regressed?


    from suicidal to homicidal


    right now the thing that makes me smile the most is imagining all the ways i could kill her


    bit of a delayed response, since it's been over a year


    but everyone knows the best way to kill a vampire is to drive a stake through their tiny black hearts


    i *almost* think jail time/a death sentence is worth it. poetic justice: this is what happens when you try to fuck my boyfriend. you DIE by my hand


    it would send a message to all horrible people


    but i guess not caring about a possible death sentence is maybe still kind of suicidal


    except i'd be taking that bitch out with me when i went.


    (you're welcome, world)


    a different version of me would be sad that i have allowed myself to be reduced to this--but i'm in full-on revenge mode. her insult cannot go unanswered


    i want people to be scared of me.


    i should know better than to engage a pathological narcissist; they thrive on this kind of shit


    but i can't take the high road anymore


    so even though i won't actually intentionally cause her harm,


    i might try to fuck with her head just a little bit.


    i don't think you understand who you crossed, you stupid cunt.


    you'll find out soon enough.



    sweet dreams, bitch

    1 Comment   Read more from artemisagrotera
  • your entry must contain some content

    by CleanLaundry on October 02, 2015

    I skipped class to finish this application

    I don't even write anymore

    I submitted a poem I wrote with a girl. the poem's called "homesick vigilante" and the girl is called a name I haven't said out loud in about a year.
    it's a solid name. two syllables. fairly uncommon, but doesn't make a big deal of itself. she told me once what it meant in Gaelic but I won't share that now.

    when I'm drunk off my ass I could forget my own name before I'd forget hers.

    I shouldn't have submitted that poem. it was written about something intimate that no longer exists and frankly the poem about the potato chips was way better.

    No Comments   Read more from CleanLaundry
  • If I drown let me sink

    by LoudSilences on October 02, 2015

    I don't really know what to write. It seems like there's nothing to say.

    I think about suicide a lot, and I wish I had a gun.

    Some people believe that when we die we become a star, but I think I'd become the darkness between the stars.

    Does anyone actually read what I write? I always wonder. I'm thinking about maybe deleting my account. I don't know why.

    3 Comments   Read more from LoudSilences
  • I got the memo i accept

    by oasisness on October 01, 2015

    I can thank you for contributing to ruining one of the best things that entered my life. I take responsibility for my actions and part but I would of left them alone weeks ago, I would of let them process but you had to win and for what? You don't know how much they meant and mean to me but you assisted in me driving them away. So thank you. I'm broken and feel dead but I accept thank you


    bens death greatest episode and last 5 minutes indeed.

    No Comments   Read more from oasisness
  • Ayyy! It's been a few months and I've made a few things.

    by candyhippie on October 01, 2015

    I've made a bunch of things and I forgot to tell my SongMeanings journal about any of them! The most important part is probably that I've got my very own shop in addition to Etsy now, at, where you'll also find a cozy blog. I've made a ton more mandala coloring books, the latest of which is a Halloween mandala book, and I've started making teeny zines and printable bookmarks too.

    While working I listened to a lot of Nightwish, Florence and Radiohead.

    I also come with a small gift: a free coloring page PDF. Please do take a sample!

    No Comments   Read more from candyhippie
  • The Same Reason I'm Afraid of Deep Water

    by luckybamboo on September 30, 2015

    I wanted to die today but I didn't and that's what is important

    There is something wrong with me but it changes every day

    I'm human and I hate it

    The state of checking for natures errors 

    They're always going to be there

    We're fallible and I can't stand it 

    2 Comments   Read more from luckybamboo
  • to the driver of the red ford focus / to everyone

    by CleanLaundry on September 29, 2015

    my forhead is bleeding

    my bike chain fell off

    scuffed up my huffy





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  • There used to be rather few comments

    by soulwaves2000 on September 29, 2015

    now there's an almost infinite amount..and they all say the same thing. It's all the same vague, rather literal meaning of the song, it's like the same 12 year old of limited intellect( even for his age) sharing his "thoughts"...

    Songs have a deeper meaning, some of the words are code, usually they're easily readable, like Hotel California, is a metaphor for sexual addiction, "they just can't kill the beast" means they can't get rid of their sexual appetite. "You can check out anytime you like" check out also means death, or black out. Meaning you can "shoot up" anytime you like, it works for heroin as well, "but you can never leave" you'll never beat your addiction.

    if you're gonna write a comment, make sure it's not exactly the same as the 60 previous comments...

    2 Comments   Read more from soulwaves2000
  • That Crazy Music ♪♫

    by NomadMonad on September 28, 2015

    A Nice Pair: Piper + Saucerful = ♥ 

    Syd Barrett as symptom and metaphor
    Lucifer the fallen cherub/seraph, Icarus, Orpheus,
    the dissolution of society through Dionysian mysteries
    degeneration of High Classical art into Pharmakeia and Gnosis
    An acid casualty/psychotic misperceived as revelator
    Lost generations / Lost souls
    Siren songs, waves crashing on the Rock
    Youth wandering a kaleidoscopic labyrinth
    Unearthly desire
    The celestial tones of madness and doom
    Epiphany where the Flux of Eternal Becoming is glimpsed
    The fear that one may never come down again
    Clashing symbols & portents in storm-clouds
    Idealizations of childhood
    the Beauty beyond the Beyond...


    Wayfarers All






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  • And heaven I think is too close to hell

    by LoudSilences on September 26, 2015

    I was flicking through my old book of D.H Lawrence poems to the parts I had highlighted, and I found this:

    'I would bear the pain.

    But always, strong, unremitting

    It would make me not me.

    The thing with my body that would go on living

    Would not be me.

    Neither life nor death could help.'


    And thats all I have to say.

    1 Comment   Read more from LoudSilences
  • We drown in pneumonia, not rivers and streams

    by LoudSilences on September 25, 2015

    I'm not me anymore.


    I'm empty.

    1 Comment   Read more from LoudSilences
  • and enough is all you can hope for

    by RosesAtSunset on September 24, 2015

    i'm sitting against a tree in our campus courtyard with a laptop, trying to seem as though i'm a part of the typical college scenery. in reality, my fingers are covered in stale resin as i try to clean out my pipe to take a stealth toke. finally satisfied with the suction, i bend down behind my backpack to light the bowl. i breathe in as the weed soars through me. i appreciate the sleepy golden sun and the fall chill even more than before. 

    it's a typical college drug addiction but i'm happy for the most part. i have a lot of friends i haven't seen much of lately, but i'll be seeing them this weekend and maybe that'll jumpstart our connections. but who knows, maybe i'm destined to be lonely even when i'm not alone.

    i watched meet the robinsons on netflix and it inspired me to let go of the past and keep moving forward. i guess you can laugh at me for being so influenced by cartoons, but it might mean that i'm still emotionally a child. i'm cursed with the brutal honesty and the equivalent lack of emotional skin. but i'm an adult now and i can say i'm okay with the way my life turned out. it wasn't what i expected, but days like today are enough for me. 

    2 Comments   Read more from RosesAtSunset
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