I'm always a little bit too close to something that feels a little bit too much like fear. I go to bed wishing for morning to come quickly, only to be wishing it was night again by mid morning. I feel guily that the thought of everything I have to do in a day makes my chest feel tight and my throat restict. I feel guilty that I've always had a place to sleep and food to eat, and that I still can't be happy. I feel guilty that I've wasted my therapists time again by whining about my dad. I feel guilty that my mom feels like its her fault I turned out like this. I feel guilty that there are real people suffering from real illnesses and I sit around in a panic because I think every twinge is going to be the thing that finally kills me. I just wish my misery had a little less company. I wish I could be alone without myself for a while.
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